Run run Rudolph.

One of my very earliest memories was standing on line at preschool, desperately excited to tell the teacher something of great importance. I remember that I liked her, although I do not recall her name or face; I remember the room, but not one other student; and I remember we were all on line so she could inspect us, whether for proper dress or lice or what I have no idea. My focus on was telling this person that I had seen Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer on TV the night before. The Rankin-Bass special had been running for a while by then, but to me it was new, and I was so excited I wanted to tell someone, anyone! 

So I did, and she gave me a "That's delightful" or something while giving me the check, then sent me on my way. I could hardly believe it was possible that someone wouldn't have been equally excited about Rudolph, but adults were always weird and inscrutable. 

The reason I write about this today is I realized this is the first year to have passed without me seeing one single Rankin-Bass Christmas special, nor anything by Rankin and Bass, nor in fact any of the childhood favorites at all (Charlie Brown, Grinch, and so on). Even when I was a single, happenin' young dude I would always make time for the classics. It just didn't happen this year.  

It's true that I've been really busy, and also true that the dog hardly ever chills out long enough for me to just sit down and watch a TV show. (If the TV was in the backyard, I could watch epic movies out there.) And certainly, having seen these specials dozens of times, I think I'm familiar enough with them that I feel no overwhelming urge to engage with them now. Nostalgia is a strong pull at Christmastime, though. So where were they? 

Since I was a wee tot, the atomization of common culture has marched along, first slowly, then at rocket speed. Whereas everyone once watched the same handful of VHF networks (and were derided as dummies by the intelligentsia for it), there soon arose decent UHF, followed by cable, followed by home video machinery, and now online streaming. It's pretty rare that anyone watches the same thing at the same time in any large numbers now. TV networks used to try to fight for space by going big -- now they go cheap. Reality shows are the order of the day. But what could be cheaper than a 60-year-old animation? 

Ah, but in the interim, all those old specials went to videotape, DVD, and now posted online and to streaming services. Sure, the old Rankin-Bass specials might pop up on Disney's "Freeform" (once the Family Channel, when Disney cared about the family), but they are treated like poor relations coming around looking for a handout. Instead, we can watch green Jim Carrey steal presents and fat Tim Allen deliver them and that creepy train movie again and again. Seems weird to me, but I guess they know their business. 

Freedom of choice is a good thing, but the culture has become so shattered that I wish we still had some things we enjoyed in common. Taylor Swift is not going to bring us all together, trust me. But once, long ago, a red-nosed reindeer did a pretty good job of it. 

Ranking Rankin.

Once again activists want to cancel Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, the Rankin-Bass special that features the titular hero being bullied, risking his life, and finally finding acceptance only after he earns the respect of others rather than being loved for who he is. 

I'll admit it's a rough one. Santa's a jerk, to put it mildly, as is Coach Comet; Rudolph's parents are humiliated by him; the Bumble is scary; we see Rudolph being rejected by random woodland creatures; and on and on. 

I doubt these idiot activists will get anywhere. The 1964 special is still very popular, popular enough that even side characters like King Moonracer gets his own lawn decoration. 

Personally, I feel that Rudolph, which is very faithful to the original song, should not go away. Santa's a crappy boss, the elves are miscellaneous dodos, the other kids pick on our hero, he gets involved with a freak for an elf and a gun-wielding knucklehead, he falls in with a pack of misfits, he gets spurned by royalty (who nevertheless demands a favor), the girl he loves is sweet but an airhead, and all the while death stalks from above with big nasty teeth. In the end, he learns it is better to go out like a hero than live like a slug. Is there a better life lesson in any kids' show or movie you've ever seen?

I thought I would give my own rankings to the various Rankin-Bass Christmas specials while we're on the topic. They were a vital part of my yuletide TV experience, and while I haven't seen most of them in years, the memories are quite vivid. For a kid, it was appointment television when there was such a thing.

I'm leaving off all the non-Christmas RB specials, which included Easter and Thanksgiving and even Independence Day (Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July), although I'm leaving Rudolph's Shiny New Year because it ran around the same time as the Christmas shows. Also, I can't rate the ones I have not seen, but they will be discussed. In alphabetical order:

The First Christmas: The Story of the First Christmas Snow (1975) -- I think I've only seen the end of this one, so I shouldn't comment. Seems a little maudlin, but most kids' stuff with any drama is maudlin. Rating: N/A

Frosty the Snowman (1969) -- Lots of things to like about this one, especially Jimmy Durante. Santa (Paul Frees) comes off very well, too, as does Frosty's rabbit pal, Hocus Pocus. Frosty's kind of a moron, but after all, he was made of snow, and was just born. On a scale of 0 to 5: 🎄🎄🎄🎄

Frosty's Winter Wonderland (1976) -- Just okay. Andy Griffith subs for Durante, Frosty gets married, the Bible gets a little respect. Has a lesson about why good things must come to an end. Jack Frost (Paul Frees) is a weenie. 🎄🎄 Speaking of Jack Frost: 

Jack Frost (1979) -- This one really is a Groundhog Day special, since it's mostly about winter, not Christmas, and the narrator is Buddy Hackett as a groundhog. (Typecasting, I know.) Totally different from the Jack Frost of the Frosty's Winter Wonderland. He falls in love and becomes human but must fight off the wicked Kubla Kraus (Paul Frees) and loses the girl. A rare bittersweet story on a children's special. 🎄🎄🎄🎄  

The Leprechaun's Christmas Gold (1981) -- Never seen this, but Art Carney stars, so it has that going for it. N/A

The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus (1985) -- Never seen this one either. People tell me it is exceptionally weird. It's based on an L. Frank Baum book, so I'm not surprised. His Oz books are intensely imaginative and disturbingly weird. N/A

The Little Drummer Boy (1968) -- Greer Garson narrates the story of Aaron, the title character, who hates everybody except his animal pals, and with good reason. Then he hears about the birth of the new king in Bethlehem. Heartfelt and dramatic, with Jose Ferrar playing Ben Haramad and Paul Frees playing a cast of thousands. Docked a tree because the song on which it was based is stupid. Who the hell wants a kid banging a drum around a newborn?  🎄🎄🎄🎄

The Little Drummer Boy, Book II (1976) -- Greer Garson returns and wonders how she got caught up in this moronic sequel about Aaron, the Magi, and a bellmaker. The sound of digging is caused by Rankin and Bass going to the well once too often. 0

Nestor, the Long–Eared Christmas Donkey (1977) -- Basically the Rudolph story set in the Bible, only instead of Rudolph and his freakish nose we have Nestor with his freakish ears. Nestor carries Mary to Bethlehem and protects her from a sandstorm with his huge ears. It's very sweet, although I have no idea why Nestor becomes a hero to the animals who made fun of him at the start of the cartoon; not like the birth of Jesus made the evening news. Given a score of four, plus one because my wife loves Nestor. Paul Frees plays three parts. 🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄

Pinocchio's Christmas (1980) -- Never saw this one either. It has Alan King in it, which is interesting. Paul Frees has two parts. N/A

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964) -- Discussed above, docked a star because Santa (not Paul Frees) is such a complete ass. 🎄🎄🎄🎄

Rudolph's Shiny New Year (1976) -- Bizarre story of Rudolph having to rescue the Baby New Year, who has ridiculously huge ears, or else the new year will not occur. Has some pretty clever fantasy concepts explored in some interesting ways, and some great songs ("It's Raining Sunshine" is a standout) but since it was usually shown in the week between Christmas and New Year's my wife calls it the Pro Bowl of Christmas specials. Voices include Red Skelton, Harold "Great Gildersleeve" Peary, Frank Gorshin, Morey Amsterdam, Don Messick, and... Paul Frees! 🎄🎄🎄

Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town (1970) -- Mickey Rooney in this Santa Origin Story, narrated by North Pole mailman Fred Astaire. Great songs, great villains (Keenan Wynn, Paul Frees), a mention of the Nativity, all good. Loveable Santa. My wife hates Jessica's big number but it usually gets cut anyway these days. It set the template for Han Solo's origin film Solo, in that every quirk associated with the character has to be explained during the course of the story. 🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄

Santa, Baby! (2001) -- Sounds really interesting, but I didn't know it existed until yesterday. N/A

The Stingiest Man in Town (1978) -- Never seen this cartoon, but holy cow what an all-star cast! Walter Matthau as Scrooge, Tom Bosley as a humbug, Robert Morse, Dennis Day, Theodore Bikel, Debra Clinger, and Paul Frees in three different parts! N/A

'Twas the Night Before Christmas (1974) -- Joel Grey and George Gobel, as the fates ordained long ago! High-stakes story as a town rushes to restore a broken clock that will pay tribute to Santa, who's mad at the whole town for not believing in him. Kind of a snotty Santa in that regard, and odd-looking with no mustache, but a good score helps a lot. No Paul Frees, though. 🎄🎄🎄🎄

The Year Without a Santa Claus (1974) -- Everyone's favorite. Does the plot make sense? Who cares? Mickey Rooney returns, Shirley Booth sings, Dick Shawn and George Irving as the Miser Brothers, terrific songs ("I Could Be Santa Claus," "I Believe in Santa Claus," "It's Gonna Snow Right Here in Dixie," and the unforgettable Miser Brothers numbers). Top notch. Again, no Paul Frees, though. Maybe he thought a guy named Frees should have been Snow Miser. 🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄

Those are my ratings, meaningless as they are. What do you think?