Dragon breath.

I've mentioned before that I get tired of minty toothpastes -- that burn first thing in the morning, that reminder that my desperately needed coffee will taste of mint. Toothpaste does come in other flavors, mainly bubble gum or (from Colgate) watermelon, that are targeted toward kids. They usually have the same active ingredients as adult toothpastes in the same amount, so I can use them. Still, I'm always hoping to see something new in the mint-alternative toothpaste space. 

Well, here's one. 

Dragon Dazzle is a -- well, it's not a flavor, and it's not the brand, the brand being Hello. The flavor is blue raspberry, which is only slightly less mythical than dragons, dazzling or otherwise. 

This uncaps a number of questions that I hope to answer, including:

1) What's Hello? 

2) What's in this stuff? 

3) Is it any good? 

So here we go:

1) What's Hello? 

Ah, thereby lies a (dragon) tale. Nine years ago on this very blog I wrote about a couple of products from the Hello line, products from the supermarket's bargain bin. Back in those carefree, innocent days of 2015, I noted that Procter & Gamble had attacked the company on one of its claims, and it looked like it was goodbye for Hello. 

But it was not the end yet. Hello struggled on until 2020, when toothpaste magnate Colgate bought the brand. You will look in vain to find the world "Colgate" on the box, though. As I noted in the slightly less innocent age of 2016, huge corporations have been making bank on companies that look like plucky startups for a while now. 

Anyway, it appears that the Hello division of Colgate has stuck to its woo-woo ways of all natural and stuff, to the point of offering fluoride-free toothpaste along with the regular kind for those who fear their essence will be drained. 

2) What's in this stuff? 

Have a look: 

They're much more interested in telling you what's not in it than what's in it, but what is in it is sodium fluoride 0.24%. Interestingly, the toothpaste also contains xylitol, a powerful sweetener, listed as an inactive ingredient. And yet, maybe it ought to be considered an active ingredient.

Wrigley's Orbit gum was introduced as being the first in America with the miracle sweetener xylitol, a sweetener that had already been linked to reduced cavities in children. This has been a matter of some contention in the decades since, but more recently a dentist started a company called CarieFree, which in addition to other tooth-protecting ingredients uses xylitol proudly. (The company does have toothpaste in flavors like grape and orange, but at $18 for a 2.4-ounce tube, it can keep them.)

The description of the Dragon Dazzle is twee to the point of irritation. "Tastes like adventure and glory"? I'll be the judge of that. And that brings us to...

3) Is it any good? 

It doesn't look like much -- the lack of wacky artificial coloring yields a bluish white, sort of a cross between mother of pearl and a worm that never sees the light of day. 

It has a fruity flavor that is inoffensive and very sweet -- hello, xylitol! I guess it's a berry flavor. It's fine. It's mild enough to not insult my taste buds right out of the gate, which is what I was looking for. I'm okay with the taste. How good can it be? It's toothpaste. Neither adventure nor glory detected.  

All this said, there is a kind of Pride-Monthy quality to the product. Maybe coincidence -- after all, in that community grown men are now obsessed with the things that used to obsess seven-year-old girls: rainbows, unicorns, sparkles, pink, purple. It's a little rough on the children, I guess, to have their stuff appropriated, but you know -- eggs, omelets.