Look! Gettin' up there!

It's a bird! A plane! A sagging blimp!

No, it's the hottest superhero team to ever limp into comics -- the Geriatric League! 

Featuring:

POLLY GRIP! 

She looks ancient but what a wrestler! Polly Grip has the superstrength that helps her to take on all opponents. There's no challenge she won't sink her teeth into!

AMNESIOSO!

Ever forget why you went into a room? Maybe Amnesioso used his magic power of forgetfulness on you! He's been known to make an entire bank vault of supervillains forget what they went in there for. If you forget him, you'll regret him!

POPS!

What's that popping sound? Knees? Knuckles? All that and more! If Pops doesn't knock you flat with his sonic popping sounds, he'll slay you with his horrible dad jokes. Gotta have your Pops! 

JULIUS GEEZER!

A truly commanding presence, Julius Geezer is the public face of the GL. His strategic brilliance and his undeniable charisma assure friends and scatter foes. Together with him, the League will cross the Rubicon... of justice!

SLOTHMAN!

What's mightier than superspeed? How about superslowness? No one can get past Slothman, especially when he's doing 35 on the right lane of a 65. Inflicting slowness upon and causing infuriation in his enemies, Slothman is one of the most dreaded of these golden oldies. 

BINGO WINGS! 

She glides as gracefully as an eagle but strikes with the suddenness of an owl. If your number comes up, Bingo Wings, will swoop down and put her marker on you -- and that's BINGO! my friend. The early-bird special is Bad Guy Surprise.

And of course, we must not neglect the inspirational leader of the League, that super (old) patriot:

CAPTAIN PRO-STATE! 

Radioactive seeds unleashed the mighty powers of Captain Pro-State, and he uses them to fight for truth, justice, and the American way! The Captain never sleeps in his quest for righteousness -- he was not dozing! His eyes were open! 

Okay, so why am I dragging out yet another superhero parody that pokes fun at old timers? Probably because we still haven't cut cable and gone over to streaming, and because of that I am noticing the advertisers on cable seem to focus more and more on commercials for the elderly. I guess the feeling is that only old farts have not gone over to streaming video. 

So, after the hundredth drug commercial, fake drug commercial, reverse mortgage commercial, and medical help pendants, I just went nuts and decided that what this country needs is a bunch of old superheroes who will protect the rights of the feeble and incontinent. Plus, considering that the frontrunners for the job of US President in 2024 will have a combined age of 159 on election day, we may need the help of some superheroes to keep our country afloat. Why not older heroes? 

Not like they have to worry about keeping normal jobs in their secret identities. They're all retired! Superheroing just beats mall-walking, pickleball, and pestering the grandkids, that's all.