Saturday, February 2, 2019

Reality show pilots.

January is over, and that means that the pilot season for sitcoms, dramas, and other scripted TV shows has come to an end. Deals are made, scripts are flying around southern California like dandelion seeds, and pretty soon programs will be ordered and cast and shot and approved and sponsored and aired. It's a grinding process, so rigorous that you can't help but wonder: How did something like Everything Sucks! or Homeboys in Outer Space survive it?



Be that as it may, I'm sure we're all looking forward to the new supposedly non-scripted reality shows that will be coming our way later this year as well. Here are a few that I've been alerted to by my spies out west.

Dr. Poop Digger (TLC) -- Fresh on the heels of Dr. Pimple Popper, TLC's breakout (har!) hit about the title dermatologist, comes a new show about a proctologist and his wacky staff, facing horrible medical issues with intestinal fortitude. Don't watch this with your TV dinner!

Wonders (VH1) -- The former music channel returns to its roots with this competition program wherein one-hit wonders compete to see who can appear as an act in an upcoming direct-to-video movie to be named later. The launch features members of Soft Cell ("Tainted Love") and Afroman ("Because I Got High") running obstacle courses and trying their hand at stand-up comedy.

Will It Eat? (Animal Planet) -- Rhett and Link, the hosts of the Web series Good Mythical Morning, go around finding animals that can swallow you whole. Educational and tasty!

Yurtin' for Certain (HGTV) -- The "tiny house" fad may be fading... so bring on the yurts! Brothers Serikbek and Phil Beibitzhani build custom yurts for eager Millennials who want to hang a “round” the house.

Punch Bobby Flay Repeatedly in the Head (Food Network) -- The channel's Beat Bobby Flay has been a hit, but many Food Network watchers think Bobby's stupid smug face needs more direct action. Hosts Debra Ponzek, Kate Connelly, and Stephanie March will try to help competing chefs inflict physical damage on their stuck-up preppy ex-husband. (Reportedly this was a step down from the original series idea, Flay Bobby Flay.)

White People Suck! (ESPN) -- ESPN tries to right the sinking ship by devoting an entire hour a day to a show about how white people ruin everything. Risky move for the sports channel; will it be a home run or a fumble?

The Mother-in-Law (ABC) -- Had enough of The Bachelor? Meet his mom! On The Mother-in-Law, hot babes will compete to get the approval of the eligible bachelor's mother -- and she's no pushover.

Trump and His Supporters Suck! (Comedy Central) -- In keeping with the net's traditional hatred of great swaths of America, the hosts prove that Love Trumps Hate by explaining why they hate all those hating haters who won't vote the way they're told.

Kid Brother (CBS) -- It's CBS's long-running hit Big Brother... but with kids! Small children completely unattended by adults, in a camera-filled house with toys and sugar. Lord of the Flies meets Romper Room!

Mythsploders (Science) -- Former Mythbusters star Jamie Hyneman returns to the small screen to blow up things he did not get to blow up in the original series. Episodes focus on such unexploded items as: 1,000 cans of ham, the world's largest propane tank, viewers' hated appliances, Detroit.

Loving Neanderthal (History) -- Historical commentary and recreations of hawt & sexy Neanderthal action with Homo sapiens 50,000 years ago. Cave man? More like rave man!

2 comments:

Mongo919 said...

Great stuff, sir! I fear ESPN is already "White People Suck!" 24/7 and CNN beat Comedy Central to the punch (ouch) with "Trump and his Supporters Suck!" 24/7...along with MSNBC, HLN, ABC, NBC, CBS, TWC, HGTV, HSN, MTV, etc., etc., ad nauseum.

FredKey said...

I hear you, Mongo -- as they say, satire is damn near impossible these days.