It's not?

 

Ooh, I'm DYIN' AGAIN!

Apologies for not looking through comments the other day, especially about the book launch. (I have since replied as needed.) Work ran me over like a diesel train, but worse, I got a cold. 

I usually power through colds with Alka-Seltzer Plus Cold Medicine, but this is literally the worst cold I've had since I quit smoking many years ago. That one was weird. The wife of a work buddy surmised that it was so bad because all the toxins were leaving my body, which didn't and actually still doesn't make sense to me. For one thing, I was not off nicotine supplements yet, so I was still enjoying some toxins, in the form of gum or lozenges. For another, I lived with a smoker, so I was getting secondhand toxins. For a third -- shouldn't I feel better if the poison level is dropping? I felt like 100% hot garbage. How does reducing the poisons result in feeling worse? 

Well, haven't seen that chap in years, so I have had no opportunity for a follow-up consult with his wife. 

This cold started Sunday as a head cold, got a little worse, then yesterday it dropped like a rock into my chest. Well, that's not pleasant. Suddenly I felt a ton worse, and started sounding like Froggy Laughlin from the Little Rascals. In fact, I announced to the public that Froggy would be taking my calls that day, so I wouldn't scare anyone. If I start feeling better, I might upgrade to Andy Devine. 

Since that awful bout mentioned above, I've barely gotten sick at all. I do believe that one good thing that came out of the COVID fiasco was that the public got an education in handwashing, the #1 way to stop the spread of viruses. However, since another good thing that arose was deserved skepticism about our political and public health leaders, who knows if the public is bothering anymore? 

It was nice, not getting sick, but I suspect my wife picked up the cold in church -- lots of kids, you know, those cherubic little petri dishes -- and I, failing maintain proper form, managed to get it from her. She tried to protect me, but it only takes one slip and wham! Hello, virus. 

Well, if it hasn't killed me by now, I think I'll pull through. Meanwhile, I thank you for your continued patronage and concern. People who read my blog are the finest in the world, and good-looking, too! 

Superpuff!

I'm overarmed and overprepared for Halloween, because I don't want to have a repeat of years before -- dashing out the door as the candy supplies dwindle and the dog is going nuts and my wife frantically holds down the fort while I rush to the supermarket where only Christmas candy is available on Halloween night.

I've never had a kid with a teal pumpkin, but I respect that some of our plucky urchins have food allergies, and always try to have verified safe nut- and peanut-free treats available. Which is one of the reasons I bought the Justice League Candy Sticks. 

The sack holds forty little boxes, each one with pictures of the heroes of DC's Justice League -- Superman, Wonder Woman, Flash, Batman, Cyborg, Aquaman. That is, only the ones who appeared in the movie. Traditional members like Green Lantern and Martian Manhunter did not make the cut. 

Each box contains two little "candy sticks." But what are those? If you're an adult and you've been one for a while, these should look familiar. 

You got it -- candy cigarettes. Basically nothing but sugar with a little flavoring, not that the kids mind. They used to put a little red dye on one end for your "light." My wife actually called it before I even opened the little box: "That sounds just like candy cigarettes." She could tell by the rattle in the box.

We're counting on the kids to have no knowledge of history and just eat them, instead of walking around holding them in their fingers, pretending to be smoking. But who knows? These things are still sold as candy cigs, mostly in foreign countries where no one cares if you smoke, unlike in this Great Land of Liberty. You can buy them in the "cigarette" packs from Old Time Candy. 

These days, with governments frowning on tobacco but greedy for marijuana money, the kids would more likely puff them while pinching the candy to their lips, toking away like Mommy and Daddy. 

It's just weird, though, to see superhero-themed packages with candy cigarettes inside. I am old enough to remember when many of the adults around me smoked cigs, but even then, it was not something you'd see anyone in the comics doing except the bad guys. Well, maybe a few guys like Punisher or Wolverine or Constantine, but they were not particularly good guys. You'd certainly never associate smoking with Superman. 

...usually. 

Sicklied o'er.

Yesterday the whole town got cloudy, and it had nothing to do with rain, except for the lack thereof. 

I've seen smoke from wildfires around here, in the southern Hudson Valley, but I'd never seen the sky turn a pale, sickly yellow like this. 

Weirder still, this was coming from Canada's wildfires, three hundred miles and more to the north. 

We're under an air quality alert, of course. Everything smells like smoke. People in a local online community were saying they could taste it. I thought it smelled nice, as woodsmoke does, but it bothered some people. One woman posted that her daughter said, "This is what the end of the world looks like." That surprised her dad, who posted "Really?" Well, kids are dramatic. The girl is too young to remember 9/11.

But it is weird. 

I'd like to make a quip about how Canada, which hates smoking so much that they're printing warnings right on the cigarettes, sure is blowing smoke in our faces, and should keep their pollution to themselves. 

Okay, I guess I just did. 

But I'm pulling for the guys who have to go out and try to fight these blazes. It's been super dry here -- "dry as popcorn farts" as one friend unartfully but vividly put it -- and there's no rain in the forecast until at least Monday. It's made the days very comfortable and the nights perfect for sleeping with a window open, but this is the cost. 

Naturally, while all this is going on I heard some idiots nearby practicing with firecrackers, because the Fourth of July is only a month away and they have to get ready. 

So, let's pray this ordeal ends soon, and if you know a good rain dance, pass it along. That sky sure looks sick, and some people with breathing trouble will also.  

Little. Free. Different.

<Sad piano music>

In these uncertain times....

Yeah, blah blah blah.

Hi, gang! I was out of the house most of the day yesterday on some business in Pennsylvania. For the record, I was not there buying fireworks that are illegal in New York. Governor Sonny Corleone was huffing and puffing over that the other day, to the point where I expected to have my car searched on the way back, but it didn't happen. Although I will admit to seeing more than the usual number of state troopers on I-84.

The thing I wanted to mention is the Little Free Pantry, also called the Mini Pantry Movement. The idea behind it is simply this -- you have a box out in public where people can put food to donate, and others can come and take what they need for free. No questions asked. I had come across the project in an article I was working on, and wondered if it was something we did here in the scenic lower Hudson Valley. And the answer is: No. We do have food distribution through a couple of the local churches, including my own, but we don't have a box just sitting out there.

However, I was passing through Milford in Pennsylvania, and I noted on the Pantry site that they had one. Sure enough, here it is.

I left some stuff in there myself. I think it's a nice idea. But of course, being a cynical New Yorker, my thoughts come with some caveats.

Where I grew up in New York City, the box wouldn't last a day. Or maybe that's too cynical. Almost one in ten people in Milford are living below the poverty line, and yet the box had plenty of stuff in it when I got there. I just feel like, in the cities, where people demolish a Target for laughs, you could count on the box being emptied... and the box itself stolen.

But that's obviously not the case here. I am always happy to help out when I can with these things. I have a friend who volunteers at a food delivery program for shut-in seniors, and these people are exceptionally grateful for the food, but also the comfort of a friendly face. He's told me about one or two characters he's met, but most of his clients are decent and lonesome.

So I guess if you can help out in these unprecedented times... <sound of piano being smashed>

𝄢🎝♬🎝🔨

In closing, though, I have one strong suggestion for states and municipalities that would like to help poor people have enough money to make ends meet and not rely so much on SNAP cards, food pantries, and the like. And that is: Lower the tax on cigarettes. Seriously, these people smoke like chimneys. They would rather smoke than eat. Ten bucks a pack and more hasn't made them quit. Bring it back down to a five spot and let them have some money for food. Think of the children!

P.S.: And yes, as Ed Driscoll says, classic reference in blog post title:

Puffing away.

A friend of mine is trying to cut down on the smoking. It's become very hard to enjoy a cigarette these days, when you can’t smoke anywhere. She didn't want to go cold turkey or use Chantix or something, so she got one of those E-cigs. Here it is charging up, making the wall look like it's taking a relaxing nicotine break.

Of course, this made me think of my all-time favorite Tweet:

The E-cig shouldn't be confused with vaping, which has everyone across all political spectra running around with their dresses up over their heads. Vaping uses a small tank of liquid, and is essentially more like a small, handheld hookah than a cigarette; E-cigs or "cigalikes" look more typical cigarettes, have a tiny disposable cartridge or are entirely disposable, and more closely resemble cigarette smoking. Neither is good for you, but they have to be better than cigarettes.

Of course, the political class, following the lead of the health crowd, thinks you should not do any of this stuff. Don't stick anything in your lungs unless we tell you to! Such as that nice, soothing marijuana, which our state governments are generally slavering to legalize.

But this is the schizophrenic nature of modern society. When penalties for drunk driving were low, no liquor ads could be seen on TV. Now two DWIs are hard time and booze ads are everywhere. I'm not saying who's right, and it's never right to drink and drive (nor do I think people drive drunk more than they used to), but isn't there a sort of disconnect here?

Likewise with the vape thing. The CDC reports deaths and injuries attributed to vaping, but the news media seem to leave out the part that says:

Most patients report a history of using tetrahydrocannabinol (THC)-containing products. The latest national and state findings suggest products containing THC, particularly those obtained off the street or from other informal sources (e.g. friends, family members, illicit dealers), are linked to most of the cases and play a major role in the outbreak. 

(emphasis and rolling eyes added)

And suddenly any kind of vaping or e-smoking is a national crisis. So they all should be outlawed. (See above paragraph on pot, and note that 33 states and DC have legalized pot for fun and profit. Here in the Hudson Valley, farms formerly known for onions and sweet corn are growing weed like, well, weeds. But we should be frantic over E-cigarettes.)

All I can tell you is my friend is smoking fewer cigarettes thanks to her E-cig, which only contains one naughty ingredient (nicotine) that does not get you high or impair your ability to drive. If my friend goes over to only E-cig use, as planned, I know it will be easier for her to quit nicotine all together. Sounds like a social good to me.

But no, let's ban all the things! Except soma, of course.

A seasonal induglence.

How many times do I have to tell everybody?

HIRE AN EDITOR AND YOU WON'T LOOK STUPID!

At least hire a proofreader.

This was a flyer I received in the mail from CVS, the Pride of Woonsocket, Rhode Island, #7 on the Fortune 500 list as of last June, the drugstore giant that pulled in more than $177.5 billion in sales (according to Hoovers). And yet with all that dough, all that moolah, all that Social Security money in their Scrooge McDuck-like vaults, they couldn't cough up fifty bucks to get a professional editor to look at this so they could spell INDULGE correctly.

This is a black eye for you, CVS, and I am doubly disappointed since just a few months back, in January, I mentioned how proud I was that you could spell stationery properly (meaning the paper stuff).

And yet I have had to take you to the woodshed before, CVS. In 2014, when I was posting on my old (now defunct and inaccessible) blog, you stopped selling cigarettes because (you said) you were so concerned about our health. I called you on your hypocrisy, on your attempt to get grace on the cheap. Not that I smoked at that time or since, not for quite a few years now, but I pointed out that you continue to sell candy, all the time, every day; there's a section of the store that's just candy, the seasonal aisle always has candy, and of course the checkout area is candy out the bazooty. (Never mind the snack aisle, which is very cookie-centric.) And I wondered if you were willing to cut off all that revenue, even though diseases of obesity are going to kill far more of us than diseases of smoking, and now our fatness is "astronomical," and even more out of control than it was in 2014. Heart disease, diabetes, stroke, cancer.... Well, CVS? Are you going to chase out the lardbuckets the way you chased out the puffers?

AND YOU COULDN'T EVEN PAY SOME POOR EDITOR A FEW DOLLARS TO SPELL A FLYER RIGHT, A FLYER BY THE WAY THAT WAS ADVERTISING CANDY?

Now, about your complicity in the rampant and deadly opioid drug epidemic that you're only just now addressing...

$177.5 billion and they can't hire a proofreader. Sheesh.