Showing posts with label may. Show all posts
Showing posts with label may. Show all posts

Sunday, May 26, 2024

May calling.

It's been a rainy and very buggy May, but I'm still glad I'm not freezing out there anymore. I still have not put away my winter coat, which hangs on the rack by the door. I don't trust this weather. 

But as I say, buggy as hell, with many skeeter bites and gnat encounters already. I caught some yellow jackets up to no good. Every year they find some place on the house they've never nested before, and proceed to nest there. This year it was under the second-story gutter. Well, I and my hose took care of them hive turkeys. 


I am a Cat 5 hurricane on wasps' nests. 

Been a really great year for the creepy-crawlies too, like these ninjas, rappeling from the trees:

"I'm going to land in your hair!"

On that note, I had the world's smallest grasshopper land on me, playing "My Heart Bleeds for You" on his world's smallest Cricket-in-Times-Square violin: 




I guess it's been good for the birds, though. And on that note, the dog and I got a couple of visitors while sitting on the porch a few days ago. I have seen plenty of birds perch on the porch rail, but these two were flying all around the porch itself. I thought we were getting dive-bombed. 


Well, turns out they were house hunters, and now every evening we see this: 



This has been going on for the better part of the week. I've had to hose off the planks under their preferred bedroom, but otherwise they are ideal tenants -- for squatters. I'm thinking it's their house now; I may have to move. 

Finally, big ups to the highway department on this one: 


To be fair, it's on a dead-end street. On the other hand, I've seen one driver fly through it recently. And on the other other hand (may I borrow yours?), the taxes we pay around here should guarantee concierge service for our road signs. 

It's for the boids, I tell ya! 

Monday, May 1, 2023

Putting the "sick" in "sickle."

It's May Day, kids, the day on which we celebrate that wonderful invention that's catching on with so many of you hipsters -- Communism! All the gang are getting into it. It's just the groovinest thing!

What? You haven't heard of it? Why, friend, let me tell you why Communism, especially New Improved Communism, is just the greatest thing since collectivized bread! 


1) It's not Capitalism.

Boo, Capitalism! Strictly speaking, Capitalism is not an -ism, which implies a constructed idea; it's just what happens when two people want something the other has and work out a nonviolent means to satisfy them both.

Guy 1: I would like some of that food.

Guy 2: I made it myself. I would like that nice rock you have.

Guy 1: I will give it to you for half that food.

Guy 2: Okay.

How stupid is that? Someone's obviously being exploited here; either the rock is worthless and Guy 2 is a sucker or the rock is valuable and Guy 1 is being taken. There is no middle ground! 

Under a Communist system, the needs of all are satisfied. Like so:

Guy 1: We need to give Bob some food here too. He is sickly. But we are out of rocks.

Guy 2: Sucks to be Bob.

Guy 1: Hoarder! (Stabs Guy 2 to death) Hey, Bob! Lunchtime!

Bob: This is great. Where did this guy get this?

Guy 1: Uh, I don't know. He said he made it.

Bob: How?

Guy 1: Uh...

See? Capitalism is a basic human interaction, and who wants to live in the stone age? Communism is completely made up, worthy for human intellect! Yet it teaches a simple lesson: When all else fails, just apply more violence. Which brings us to our second point:

2) It's anti-human.

Boy, don't humans suck? You bet they do! Well, under Communism, more of them are dispatched from the earth than by any other means. Look at these figures:

Reign of Bloody Mary (five years): 280 killed 

Spanish Inquisition (356 years): 1,500 killed 

Communism (~78 years): 154 people killed every hour

You don't get more efficient at bumping people off than that! But don't worry, I'm sure it was no one you know. You'd be fine. And that leads us to our last point: 

3) What, me worry?

You're worried about paying the rent, buying food, getting healthcare, aren't you? Well, under New Improved Communism, you'd never have to worry again! Nature may be red in tooth and claw, but animals in the zoo get everything they need, and so can you! Just do what you're told and don't do what you're told not to do and leave the decisions to the Scientifical Smarties using things like math to make the decisions, and everything will be fine. Sure, maybe sometimes we'll run low on things, maybe there won't be enough for everyone, but we covered that in point 2. 

So this May Day, leave all your troubles to the Communist leaders and celebrate this brave new workers' paradise. One way or another, all your worries will be over!