Colorful writing.

I have a brilliant idea for a one-act play, a drama of romance with four characters. I have only gotten to the notes stage of fleshing out the idea, but I hoped you'd be interested. Maybe you have a billion dollars hanging around and have always dreamed of producing a great play. Well, dream no more! 

This one's got it all -- drama, pathos, comedy, and babes. You couldn't ask for more colorful characters. I call it...

Toner: A Love Story 

Curtain up, and we meet our four players:

🖶 Black, tall, dark, and handsome

🖶 Cyan, a young man with sky-high optimism

🖶 Yellow, pretty but shy and retiring

🖶 Magenta, one hot chick

Cyan and Magenta have been dating for a while, but Magenta is trouble. They met at a Deep Purple concert, and seemed to hit it off. But now she's always running out. He doesn't want to try to control her, and knows he can't, but she doesn't seem to care about his needs. Meanwhile, Black (called Big K) is a little tired of his girl Yellow, who dotes on him but is not exciting. They've gone so far as to ink a prenup, but no wedding date is in sight.  

As the play progresses, we see they are all in one jam or other. Big K is having trouble at work; Cyan is blue because he thinks Magenta is cheating. 

One day Big K meets Magenta and is totally imprinted. "Hey, baby, I'd love to get your portrait," he says. 

"I think you want me in landscape, big boy," she teases.

"Yeah, girl, once you've had Black you never go back." 

“Ooh, baby, you can drive my cartridge.”

Yellow is scared that her boyfriend might be straying, especially when she gets a call from her friend Dot that Big K was seen collating with some floozie. 

Cyan, meanwhile, goes looking for Magenta with laser-focused intensity. He hears about Big K, and goes to the man's apartment, only to find Yellow all alone. 

Cyan and Yellow talk, and realize their romantic partners are probably cheating on both of them. They are green with jealousy. Suddenly Big K arrives. Cyan accuses him of stealing his girl. Big K tries to throw him out. Black and Cyan fight until they are black and blue. 

Suddenly Magenta shows up. She says she's had it with both of these men, and runs off. Yellow scoffs: “Who shot her out of a cannon?” Big K calls after her, saying "Black loves matter!" Cyan storms away in anger and Yellow follows him. 

Cyan and Yellow cool off in the park. She says he should get some Epsom salts on his bruises. He says maybe they should hook up to spite the cheaters. They go back to his apartment. He makes some food (steak with HP sauce), but she's a vegetarian. She turns on some romantic music -- but it's Michael Bolton (Cyan: "I hate that guy!"). Nothing works -- they just have no chemistry. 

Meanwhile Big K finds Magenta, drowning her sorrows at the Copycat Lounge. She confesses that she really loves Cyan, but she knows she's no good for him. She's a bloody mess. He sees there's no future with her, so he leaves. Everybody is low. 

The next day, Big K goes to Yellow's place, begging her to take him back. She agrees, but she's more bold now and demands respect. Meanwhile, Magenta goes to Cyan's place to tell him she loves him, but it can never come out right. They have nothing in common. He points out that they're both in love, both enjoy classic rock, and both people of color, and he believes they can make it work, even if the margins are slim. 

At the end, in a real Kodak moment, everyone embraces. Curtain! 

Pretty awesome, right? I think we can get some backing and a theater to give this a go. And if not, see how long Playbill lasts with only blank pages. Mwah ah ah!

Readin', 'ritin', and robots.

I was able to log on to ChatGPT. With so much yakkin' about how white-collar jobs are at risk and how the Hollywood writers are going to be replaced by AI, I figured I ought to see if I could be replaced as well. So I asked the enigmatic computer brain a question: 

"Can you generate a blog post in the style of http://vitaminfred.blogspot.com/?"

Here is what it wrote: 

Title: Exploring the Enigmatic World of Color: A Journey through Chromatic Wonders

Introduction:

Welcome, dear readers, to a delightful expedition into the captivating realm of color! Today, we embark on a visual adventure that will awaken your senses and leave you in awe of the intricate tapestry of hues that surround us. From the vivid brilliance of the morning sun to the subtle interplay of shades in a dew-kissed flower, color is an ever-present companion, enriching our lives in countless ways.

Chapter 1: The Language of Color

Before delving deeper into the wonders of color, let us first understand its language. Just like words, colors convey messages and elicit emotions. Red symbolizes passion and energy, while blue evokes tranquility and peace. Yellow radiates warmth and happiness, and green represents growth and harmony. Each color carries a unique essence, and when combined, they create a symphony that dances upon the canvas of our perception.

Chapter 2: The Science of Chromatic Splendor

While color is undoubtedly a feast for the eyes, its beauty is rooted in scientific marvels. Light waves interact with objects, absorbing and reflecting certain wavelengths, thereby producing the myriad of colors we witness. The intricate interplay of pigments, prisms, and receptors within our eyes bestows upon us the ability to perceive the kaleidoscope of the visible spectrum. From Isaac Newton's experiments with light to the modern-day understanding of color theory, science has unraveled the secrets behind this enchanting phenomenon.

Chapter 3: Colors in Cultures and Symbolism

Beyond the realm of science, color holds profound cultural significance and symbolism. Cultures across the globe assign unique meanings to different hues. In some ancient civilizations, such as Egypt and China, colors held sacred connotations associated with deities and spiritual beliefs. The symbolism of color can also be seen in contemporary society, where green signifies environmental awareness and purple represents creativity and royalty. Exploring the multifaceted tapestry of color symbolism unveils a rich tapestry of human expression and connection.

Chapter 4: Color in Art and Design

Artists and designers have long harnessed the power of color to evoke emotions and create masterpieces that stir the soul. From the vibrant strokes of Vincent van Gogh to the mesmerizing color schemes of Piet Mondrian, artists throughout history have utilized color as a primary tool for self-expression. Moreover, in the realm of design, colors play a pivotal role in shaping our perceptions and experiences. From the vibrant hues of a website to the carefully curated color palette of an interior space, color choices have the ability to influence our moods, behaviors, and overall well-being.

Chapter 5: Color Psychology: Unveiling the Hidden Impact

In addition to their aesthetic allure, colors also possess psychological implications that can impact our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Color psychology explores how different hues can influence our mood, cognition, and even physical sensations. For instance, the color blue has a calming effect, making it ideal for promoting relaxation in bedrooms or office spaces. On the other hand, restaurants often employ warm shades like red and orange to stimulate appetite and create a lively atmosphere. Understanding the subtle nuances of color psychology empowers us to craft environments that evoke the desired responses.

Conclusion:

As our vibrant voyage through the world of color comes to a close, we are left with a profound appreciation for the kaleidoscope of hues that grace our lives. From the scientific intricacies to the cultural significance, color is a language that transcends boundaries and unites humanity in its shared visual experience. So, let us embrace the beauty that surrounds us, and allow color to illuminate our world, one vibrant shade at a time.

BOR-RING! This is terrible! I hope you didn't try to slog your way through all that. What a hack job! Did it invent any information, as with lesser documents like court filings? No, I don't think so, although its statements on the topic of color and psychology range from the banal to the questionable. 

I hope I need not point out how unlike my normal blog posts this is, as well. Where are the complaints? The bad jokes? The pithiness? There's not a bit of pith. Sentences like "we embark on a visual adventure that will awaken your senses and leave you in awe of the intricate tapestry of hues that surround us" are serviceable, yes, but read like a high schooler with a thesaurus who's trying to get to a mandatory article length. I'm surprised it didn't finish Lucy Van Pelt style with "The very very very end." 

And if ChatGPT had a look at the URL I'd provided, it would have gleaned the usual topics I address. Instead of a mundane school essay on color, it would have bitched about work, chuckled over the dog, talked about food, whined about the Mets, delved into religion or books, raged against political correctness, complained about the culture in general... In short, any of my usual hobbyhorses. Instead it grabbed for a basic, boring school essay subject. 

So I don't expect AI to replace bloggers anytime soon. 

Then again, since few of us (certainly not I) make any dough at it, there's no reason to sic machine learning on the blog oeuvre. But there is money in movie scripts, so I expect AI to get involved in that. All they have to do is dumb it down enough to think like a Hollywood writer:

🎥🎥🎥

Writer 1: Okay, so then the hero goes with the chick to investigate the crime.

Writer 2: Right, but you know what would be cool? If, on his way there, the girl pulls a knife on him and tells him she knows his real name is Lars and he's a Swedish spy.

Writer 1: But it's not and he's not.

Writer 2: And they struggle, then he crashes the car through the side of a glass building, trying to stop her from stabbing him. Pow! Crash! They come out the other side, wrestling for the knife, while the car goes out of control.

Writer 1: This has nothing to do with the plot.

Writer 2: And then the car crashes through a guardrail on an overpass...

Writer 1: Designed specifically to prevent that...

Writer 2: ...with concrete and metal and glass flying everywhere! 

Writer 1: No airbag deployment?

Writer 2: And they land on the back of a semi shooting down the highway as it barely clears the overpass...

Writer: And the truck driver notices nothing. 

Writer 2: ...and while they fight the next overpass is coming up...

Writer 1: This makes no sense! It's completely stupid! It has nothing to do with anything!

Writer 2: It will look SO COOL IN IMAX!

Writer 1: ....

Writer 1: Okay, what happens next?

🎥🎥🎥

You can't tell me a chatbot is incapable of that. 

You got me tied down with battleship gray.

A couple of weeks ago I read this item from Smith House Design, posted in 2019, via Instapundit. Smith House is a creative design agency, so a post about color trends is right up their street. And the trend in question is: Battleship.

What is Battleship?

These are the super-dull colors that you’ve seen on cars and trucks in the last couple of years. These are “impossibly dull” versions of blue, gray, and tan. 

 

I guess wherever the author lives they had more new cars than we have around here, because I didn't start notice this until the last six months. And now I see that the "impossibly dull" versions extend to other colors as well. 

It's everywhere. The author predicted that Battleship would remain popular for a while:

Young guys in lifted Toyota Tacomas and Jeeps love the tough look. But don’t expect to see battleship colors in many other places other than automobiles. These super-dull colors are the default choices for common, unexciting products like plastic storage containers, generic PCs, and those big office printers.
     It’s only cool when it is a surprise.

I suppose he's right, but we shall see. He knows a lot more about this stuff than I do. 

However, popular colors reflect the cultural mood. Elevated, dreamlike pastels are popular in periods of optimism; stark colors in periods of conflict. Earth tones seem harmless but reflect a sense of civilizational doom, "back to the farm." Vibrant, blazing colors reflect a sense of excitement and risk. And now we see battleship dullness in a period where people sense that things will be tough, so they want to be tough.

If I'm right, this color trend will extend to house colors, housewares, clothing, and other goods. But the writer may be right, that there is a self-limiting side to dullness because dull things already look dull, and who finds that appealing? 

Still, we can't escape the sense that the national mood is angry -- not a blazing anger, but a kind that is expecting and preparing for the worst, and does not intend to surrender when it comes. Why would they feel this way? Gee, I can't imagine.