Dunderland.

You all know I enjoy a good meme, and I'm willing to tolerate some memes that are affirmations. (Although not many.) But I will not tolerate even good-intentioned stuff that advances ignorance.   

When I see something with such active ignorance as this above exhibit, it makes me angry. 

Two facts:

1) Lewis Carroll's work fell into public domain more than a century ago; 

2) Nothing, and I mean nothing, is less trustworthy online than quotations. 

Quotations are the fact-checkers' bugaboo, as I have written before, and mainly because no one seems to care at all if they are accurate, as long as they advance an idea. I promise that the thing they mostly advance is ignorance. 

Take the above example. I love Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, but this quote has nothing to do with it. 

Now, it may be that in one of the many adaptations, pastiches, homages, parodies, sequels, and other rip-offs of Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, a character actually gives a damn about Alice and would say something banal like the above. But in the actual book, where Wonderland is a bizarre and disturbing place, all the characters besides Alice are either:

1) Virtually Useless, or 

2) Total Jerks. 

Here's my breakdown: 

VIRTUALLY USELESS

White Rabbit, Mouse, King of Hearts, Bill, Dormouse, Frog-Footman, Duchess, Mock Turtle, Gryphon, Knave of Hearts, Cheshire Cat (arguably also a Total Jerk)

TOTAL JERKS

Caterpillar, Queen of Hearts, Mad Hatter, March Hare, Dodo, the Pigeon, the Cook

Some of the characters, even the Jerks, are helpful to Alice, but all of them are by design unpredictable and thus unlovable. 

Okay, but maybe it was from somewhere else in the Carroll oeuvre? Maybe a letter he wrote to Alice Liddell, the inspiration for the Alice books?

I followed a thread on Reddit that claims the quote can be found in an Emilie Autumn book, The Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls, the title of which sounds as far away from anything life-affirming as imaginable, but who knows. I haven't read it, nor can I find a preview of it, so I can't confirm the quote. The book is on Amazon, but Amazon doesn't do previews of books anymore. And you know what? I don't care where it's from -- except that it is not from Lewis Carroll and sounds like nothing he ever would write. He would have thought Wonderland too dangerous to be a fun place to visit, let alone to identify with happiness. He knew no one there gave a damn about Alice's feelings. He ought to know -- he invented it. 

It's too much to ask people to look into these things before reposting, but man, the complete uninterest in accuracy these days just makes me sad. 

What we deserve.

This item on the Great Lileks's site incited a riot -- well, some worthy comments -- the other day:

 

The 70's-era ad, from Penny's (the supermarket, not J.C. Penney's) makes an assumption that goes back at least to that decade -- that "you" the customer, deserve something special. I noted that in that same decade McDonald's had success with its "You Deserve a Break Today" campaign. 

The question was: Who says? What's the standard for deserving? Why does someone deserve the best just for reading this ad? I could be an absentee dad grifter with a long history of broken hearts and stolen wallets, but reading this ad makes me deserving of the best? 

Pure flattery, I know, but it is everywhere these days and as empty as ever. Because they don't know me and they don't know what I deserve. Why should I take that any more seriously than I'd take a random person insulting me online? 

Here's another one, garnered from social media. It's trying to be nice, but how does it know anything? How do you know I'm worthy of anything more than a fist to the face, CryptoNaturalist? What are you, Thor's hammer?

Then there's the ones that go beyond the affirmations to stupidity, the kind that assume you're awesome and you know you're awesome and tell you how to go out and spread your awesomeness to the world. Dove chocolates, which are in fact awesome, has apparently solicited various dumdums to promote these kinds of messages: 

Could I be authentically fearless instead?

Isn't the word "tribe" racist now?

I was making fun of affirmations years ago, and the ones I see now are even worse than the ones I was targeting then. Knowing that the writers don't know anything about the readers ought to give the latter an empty feeling, because the only thing the writers really seem to believe is that the readers are suckers for flattery. Even children know when affirmations are worthless, and know better than to trust adults who spew them. 

Anyway, I have enough trouble believing compliments when they come from people who do know me, because I expect they don't know the real me. And if they did, they'd be disgusted. But maybe that's where affirmations leave off and my own neuroses take over.  

Hugs not drugs.

 Yesterday, according to the fine folks at National Day Calendar, was National Hug Your Hound Day. 

On the second Sunday in September, National Hug Your Hound Day dedicates a furry hug to our canine companions. All day long, be sure to give your pooch your full attention. Even spend the day much the way your dog spends it.

The idea of Hug Your Hound Day is about observing your dog (from his point of view). That means, explore your dog’s world from his perspective. Investigate his environment and habits. You may discover some hazards as you roam around the house or yard. For example, you might find broken chew toys that have become choking risks. Perhaps your fur baby leads you to realize he has access to toxic chemicals.

Look for items or places that put your forever friend in danger. Place childproof locks on cabinets. Discard or repair any broken items. Our yards can be surprisingly risky, too. Check for toxic plants or holes in the fencing. 

Not only will your pup enjoy the companionship, but he will also be safer for all your exploring, too.

They go on to say that "Ami Moore, author and canine behaviorist, created National Hug Your Hound Day. Her desire is to make America more pup-friendly, as it is in Europe."

Well, you know I love the puppies, and I'm a fan of things that make their lives safer. However, there are some issues about this day that need to be addressed, because I am a noodge and can never be happy.

1) There is also a National Hug Your Dog Day, which the competing National Today people say takes place every April 10. Curiously, it is not on the National Day page. National Today gives no origin for this holiday, but I think they may have seized pride of place. After all, "dog" is a more inclusive noun than "hound," hound referring especially to "a dog of any of numerous hunting breeds including both scent hounds (such as the bloodhound and beagle) and sight hounds (such as the greyhound and Afghan hound)" according to Webster. National Today does not list Hug Your Hound Day. I think there's gonna be a rumble between National Day and National Today at some point.

2) Most dogs don't like hugs. They will put up with it because they love us, but according to at least one canine behaviorist, they show signs of not liking it. Animals just don't understand hugs. It's an aggressive and dangerous move, and to smaller prey pets like rabbits, it could mean they are what's for dinner. Dogs like their freedom of movement. Some may take to hugs better than others, but that may be older or smarter dogs that have caught on that it is us showing affection and it means no harm. It's hard to fight instincts.

3) If your dog is large, as mine are, and independent-minded, as mine are (especially larger dog Tralfaz), there may be repercussions to hugs if you catch them at the wrong time. 

And I dare to wonder how my back got to be such a mess.

Ultimately I did not spend yesterday hugging the dogs, but they were allowed to do as they pleased and run roughshod over the rules. So, pretty much like every day.

Bad affirmations.

Every day in every way, I get one day older.

There are no problems, only opportunities to fail.

Pain is just weakness leaving the body, so don’t bother consulting medical professionals. I’m sure it’s nothing.

Mediocre is just half-bad.

You are a human being, not a human doing. So stop all the doing for a while. You'll just lose a lot of traction, is all.

Opportunity knocks. You're probably in the can.

I took the road less traveled, and that has made all the difference. It sucked like you would not believe.

Those who dare, lose the college fund.

Keep your head down.

When one door closes, you’re stuck outside. Don't try breaking a window or we'll call the cops.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent unless they’re in a position of power over you or are just really good at it.

Even the worst day lasts just 24 hours.

You are surrounded by idiots.

Most businesses fail.

Decide you will do mighty things right after breakfast. Then you can go pout on the sofa after lunch.

Be bold, and many people will come to tell you to stop being an asswipe.

Laugh and the world edges away from you nervously.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, but his mortgage is paid.

If you don’t leap, you’ll never fall.

The nail that sticks out is the one that gets hammered.

It just doesn't matter.

Today's jerk with his head stuck in his wastepaper basket is tomorrow's snotty supervisor.

Every cloud has a mass of droplets or frozen crystals. Looks like rain.

What doesn’t kill you probably cripples you for life.

Fazed.

We had a scare over at the Great Lileks's site, when it seemed like the host might be planning to change the comments format from Disqus to Facebook.

Now, I dislike the stupid Disqus ads that follow the commentary around, with clickbait like "Find Your Old Boyfriends' Secrets!" and "You'll Never Believe What Amy Winehouse Looks Like Now!" But the general consensus at Lileks.com was that we're just not Facebook people, or those who are use their real names on Facebook rather than a nom de Disqus so they can share pictures of the kids there with relatives.

You won't find your man Fred over on Facebook. I've been there before. But it's not the Facebook invasion of privacy or its general banality that keeps Frederick Key off the site. Google is probably a lot better at the invasion of privacy, and if you want to avoid banality you'll have to avoid the Internet entirely. And I have nothing against Facebook's endless supply of cat videos or relative's pictures; those are fine.

No, I think what puts me off most are the personal affirmations, which on the 'Net seem to fall into two types:

And then there's the demanding and needy appeal to social or political causes:

I don't know where these come from. They're clearly put together by people who are better at art and stealing pictures than I am. Then they are somehow scooped up by Facebook users and posted on their own pages.

Me, I'm more of a long-form guy. I'd rather write a short essay than repost something. So I don't need Facebook, and I'd rather not get involved in it.

And anyway, you can get all the cat videos you need from YouTube.