Wildflower myths.

If you grew up anywhere where there was grass -- and yes, in the outer boroughs of New York we had lawns -- you undoubtedly heard some floral myths in your childhood gatherings with the other knuckleheaded kiddos. The best known one is probably that you can make a wish while blowing the seeds off the white top of the dandelion. 

Well, you can make a wish, but don't expect a response. Wishes don't come true, kids! Wishes are stupid! All you did was spread those stupid weeds around some more. Thanks a lot.

I have enough dandelions on the lawn this year to make a billion wishes, and as they say, if wishes were fishes, we'd be up to our necks in herring. Or something like that.

Somewhat less common myths about the flowers on my vast estate include the following:

BUTTERCUP

The dumb myth about the buttercup is that if you hold it up to your chin and it reflects a yellow glow, that means you like butter. Well, duh. Everyone likes butter. Even vegans like butter, although they think it's bad for the cows and maybe us. I'm surprised when I recall being afraid the buttercup would turn my chin yellow and expose my illicit butter love to the world. The way my old man ate butter (half a stick or more per corn on the cob, please) (and he was rail-thin), a buttercup would have made him look completely yellow if there was any truth to the myth.

There may have also been some myth about the buttercup revealing your true love, but that was definitely girl stuff and, in those days, girls were known by the CDC to be infected by cooties. Although the nice ones maybe not so much. And the cute ones.

HONEYSUCKLE

The myth here was that if you picked the flower, bit off just a tip at the end, and sucked on the flower, it would taste like honey. It does not taste like honey. It tastes like a flower. It's not bad, but it's not honey. Fortunately the flowers are not poisonous, and are in fact edible. 

Clearly the confusion exists because of the name, but the name really means what it says. Merriam-Webster says it originated from "Middle English honysoukel clover, alteration of honysouke, from Old English hunisūce, from hunig honey + sūcan to suck," so it's been in the mix all the time. It still doesn't taste like honey.

Kids would pretend to like the taste of the flower, but the flowers don't taste like much. It was a sort of gang obedience, wee tots' peer pressure. "Yeah, it's delicious!" Eh, not so much. But sometimes it's easier to pretend and go do something more fun than to disagree and start an argument.

I sometimes think that in the story of the emperor's new clothes, the kid who sees that the emperor is naked wouldn't necessarily shout the fact, but would instead strip down to his birthday suit and yell "Lookit me! I'm an emperor, too!" and go marching after him. I knew a few kids like that. I think some of the adults I know now would do that, actually.

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Those are a couple of myths about backyard plants of which I know. Got any of your own? Share them in comments!