HOLLYWOOD (June 8) -- Officials at HBO Max announced today some further changes to the new lineup of Looney Tunes cartoons, following last week's announcement that henceforth guns would be removed from all cartoons in an attempt to help the network look like it cares about gun violence in America.
"After much soul-searching, or something like that, we decided we needed to use the unbeatable platform of classic Looney Tunes characters to advance socially progressive causes beyond just not shooting one another with firearms like bitter, swamp-dwelling Bible-clinging yahoos," said Assistant to the Assistant Vice President Van Der Meer Snorglet. "Even characters who are bitter, swamp-dwelling Bible-clinging yahoos will eschew the boomsticks going forward. But that's not enough."
Other changes announced for the famed cartoon characters include:
1) While characters may not use guns against each other, they may use knives, scythes, swords, and so on. This has proved to be a perfectly good trade-off in real-world locations like the United Kingdom.
2) Daffy Duck is hereby known as Duck of Color or a Black Duck and is no longer daffy in any meaningful way.
3) Any character that dresses as another gender for any reason will hereby be considered gender fluid and scripts will be written to reflect this truth.
 |
| Cheerleader Samantha |
5) Ableism will have no place in our cartoons; therefore Porky Pig, now Body Positive Pig, will not stutter but have a speech expression difference.
6) Pepe Le Pew is forever banned from any participation in any cartoons of any kind, and this will be the last-ever mention of his horrible full name. #metoopepe
7) Electric or robotic rabbits sent to entrap Bugs will now be composed to appear traditionally male.
8) Future episodes will include references to important cultural touchstones: "Occupy Fudd"; "Broken Food Chain"; "Pronoun Trouble"; and "It's a Regular Riot!"
9) Muttered cursing by characters such as Yosemite Sam and the Tasmanian Devil have long been feared to contain hidden racial insults; therefore they will be replaced by neutral, common non-offensive swear terms like "Fuck you," "Eat shit and die," and "See you in hell, goddamn motherfucker."
"We know our viewers will just love parking their kids in front of our cartoons," added Snorglet. "And our creative staff is thrilled for the challenge. What's freedom of creation when compared to moving society in the proper direction?"
4 comments:
Television of any sort is virtually unwatchable. Even shows like "How It's Made" on the Brave New Discovery Network have #BLM (I'd prefer #BLT) propaganda spots in almost every commercial break. Thank goodness for the DVR and fast forward capability.
A couple of suggested tweaks to the new rules -
(7) Electric or robotic rabbits sent to entrap Bugs will now be composed to appear traditionally WHITE male.
8) Future episodes will include references to important cultural touchstones: "Occupy Fudd"; "Broken Food Chain"; "Pronoun Trouble"; and "It's a Regular HEATED PROTEST"
Hey, you're good at this, Mongo! Could be a job for HBO Max!
Is HBO also going to remove all the violent movies that they show?
All the guns in the violent movies will be replaced using CGI by Nerf toys.
Post a Comment