What you look like when it does:
But replace the shirt and sweater on the great Larry Fine with a T-shirt and sweatshirt.
As you may recall, I have been reveling in the fact that I bought a skid of toilet paper for the house before all the bad juju went down. Just happened to be in BJ's Wholesale Club with a Cottonelle coupon burning a hole in my pocket and I said, Why not? And now I leap about in my TP pool like Scrooge McDuck in one of his money vaults, only TP is a lot softer than money.
But one thing I did not think to do was get a haircut. And the barbershops have been closed for a couple of weeks, with no end in sight.
This is tough on the barbers, and it's doing me no good whatever either. I am a bit thin on top, a genetic gift from my old man, and that means I can't grow out my hair in any stylish way. I just look like Larry, or Bozo, or any number of silent-film comedians with hilarious scalps. As I have complained in this space before, the only way to deal with this is to keep it short. How can I do that?
Even Forrest Gump advised "Do not try to cut your own hair." So where can I turn? My wife is a woman of many talents, but is no hairstylist. We have some tools for emergency dog trimming, as our dogs are ridiculously hairy beasts, but that stuff isn't meant for me, and she'd probably buzz off half of my hair by accident.
On that note, I am taking Tralfaz to get a dog bath and trim this week; maybe I should just stick out my head and ask the groomer to zap me while she's at it. "There's an extra ten spot in it for ya!"
No, I guess I just have to make peace with the fact that the duration of Coronageddon will see me with bad hair sticking out at the sides. Fortunately I have a lot of caps.
But mark my words: When all this is over, and the morning comes that sees those striped poles turning again, the doors will be jammed not with long-hairs needing a trim but with balding guys running for the chairs. Someone's gonna get hurt. Certainly if they get in my way.
4 comments:
I'm undecided. Should I let it grow and adopt a geezer tail? Get out the razor and become Mr. Clean? Give the wife some scissors and hope for the best? Maybe do nothing and wait for the Cousin Itt look.
Mom used to cut Dad's hair using a home barber kit she got by saving S&H Green Stamps. Wish I had it now!
If you saw my masked picture you see I stick to a buzz cut. I clipper it myself with a 1/4 inch or 1/8 guard. Wife cleans it up if I missed anything.
The only clippers (for humans) we have are the ones attached to the Braun electric shaver -- fine for sideburns but not really cut out for the full scalp. If I get desperate enough this could get ugly. I might go from Larry to Curly in minutes!
The first time I decided to buzz my hair was about 22 years ago. I figured scissors were enough to handle the task so I chopped away before I had to go to work that day. My wife was very concerned about something but I brushed it off. At work that night, co-workers kept asking me if I had recently had surgery. My self-cutting was faulty and I refused to accept it!
Afterwards, I allowed my wife to do some clean up work and waited patiently for the hair to grow back. A couple of years later I discovered the Braun clipper. Now I buzz my head 1-2 times a year. Magic!
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