Negative wishes for the new year.

Everyone likes to spread positive wishes for the new year. I would like to instead post some negative wishes for you, kind reader. 

By that I don't mean that I want bad things to happen to anyone. Au contraire! as the French say, and I even wish them well. Mais non! I just want to make wishes for bad things to not happen in 2020. I think we can all bumble along all right as long as nothing bad happens. But sadly, it often does.

Merde arrive

So here's my negativity, which I hope brings some positivity.

😱 May you not be struck by lightning. Or any Ford. Or any vehicle, for that matter. Or a brick. Just don't be struck by anything.

😱 May you not be so shocked at your surprise party that you have a heart attack, because then everyone will feel pretty guilty about it. Or they'll be happy that their evil plan worked, in which case you shouldn't fulfill their vicious desires.

😱 May you not put hot sauce in your eye.

😱 May you and your dog not be at the mayor's lawn when your canine chum decides to have an attack of the trots -- and you all out of waste bags.

😱 May you not turn into a giant shoelace.

😱 May you never forget that the little X on the text box means your text has run outside the print area, even when you're working on the design for the rear panel of the package.

😱 And may you never say, "I don't need to see it again; it's fine" when it is not.

😱 May you not be stuck in a waiting room with the The View on the TV and no way to turn it off.

😱 May the police officer never feel obliged to ask you to recite the alphabet backward, omitting vowels.

😱 May your babies not grow up to be cowboys. Or maybe that only applies to Ed Bruce.

😱 May your doctor not find it necessary to use the phrase "clinical trials" in your discussions.

😱 May you not discover the hard way why predators are preferred in wildlife preserves and not in, say, your living room.

And that's enough for New Year's Eve -- I can certainly think of more awful things that can happen (It Is The Way Of My People) but I'll just say, please let's all do our best to keep bad things at bay, and see you here next year.