Yes, yes I can.
Every year I dig out the decorations for Christmas, determined to be ruthless in weeding out whatever is broken, ancient, stupid, or otherwise useless. And every year I part with fewer things than such a resolve would anticipate. I hate throwing away anything having to do with Christmas.
But I've had to let go of two wired-up swags with broken cords and a busted snow globe already. And then, if that hadn't already broken my heart, there was this. I think it was bought by my mom.
Doesn't look like much, just the kind of timer one might use to set decorative lights or the kind of "really! someone is home" lights used to deter burglars when one is away. I have to say it is one of the best timers I've ever had, easy to set, with a big manual override switch, and totally reliable.
I also think it reached the point now where it might burn down the house.
Mysterious scorching in multiple places on electrical devices do not fill me with confidence.
I know that this little object has earned its rest. You can almost guess its age by the font used for the numbers. Also, it says it is a product of Toastmaster's electrical devices division, which also serves to put it well in the past. Toastmaster, the famed maker of, well, toasters, active since 1921, is now a brand of the Middleby company. But when you click on Middleby's Toastmaster site, it takes you to Star Manufacturing, which makes toasters and other kitchen machines for the trade, not the private consumer. The Toastmaster history is very confusing, and Wikipedia's summary appears to end in 1992, which is not helpful. Although Walmart sells a lot of home appliances under the Toastmaster name, Middleby doesn't include it in their list of residential product lines. So I don't know what the hell is going on. All I know is, if you try to look up Toastmaster timers, you wind up with helpful tips on managing time for presenters by the Toastmasters International, the speaking coach group with no connection to the toaster company. One thing for sure, no one is making Toastmaster electric timers like mine anymore.
And now mine, old Model 12-925, heads to the socket in the sky. Perhaps overdue. The thing is as loud as any plug-in timer I have ever heard. It gives off a constant whir, like a mouse blender. With its two-prong plug, it is ungrounded. It does not accept three-prong plugs, either. It is hopelessly out of date and may very well be a fire hazard.
It also may be partly discolored by the old man's cigarette smoke, the smoke that filled every room he was in, until it silenced him itself.
Oh, well. Things are just things, after all.
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