Redneck Bond.

Everyone seems to agree that the James Bond movies, after close to sixty years, have become dull, predictable, formulaic, stupid. Just like most other movies. The suggestions to solve this have typically played into modern identity politics -- a black James Bond, a female James Bond, a black female James Bond, maybe a trans James Bond who looks male but HA! Is female! But is a lesbian so everything else in the movie is exactly the same.

I say, if you really want a Bond that will shake up the old vodka martini, you need a Hillbilly Bond. Some Murcan from the South who wound up working for MI5 and saved the Queen or something and eventually became a top agent, Oh-Oh-Seven. Now that would be a change. Instead of a vodka martini he might just get a cold one and a pull on that 'shine; instead of suavity he'd have his good-natured down-home Southern charm. And who doesn't want to see a tricked-out F-150?

"That there looks right good to me, Q!"

Besides, if you want a hero who knows guns and knows how to throw a punch, you're not going to get much better than a good ol' boy.

Best of all, I think you could rework some of the great Bond films with this new format. Jimmy Bond in...

Dr. Nope -- This guy keeps bustin' up rocket launches in Houston and Florida! Jimmy Bond'll stop 'im!

Gol' Darn Finger -- Weird fern dude messin' with the gold supply. Some li'l guy throwin' hats.

ThunderFootball -- Terrorists from CRITTRE at the 'Bama game? Not if ol' Jimmy has anything to say! Roll Tide!

On the Big Boss's Secret Service -- Bald feller plannin' to make everyone sick. Lots of girls around, though.

The Man with the Golden Shotgun -- Jimmy vs. a redneck assassin! Two sides, same coin! Who will win?

The Spy Who Done Loved Me -- Jimmy travels the world doin' his job, and all the ladies he can meet. In this one the F-150 also is a submarine, y'all believe that? Big goober with bad dentistry, too; nothin' Jimmy ain't seen before.

Moonshiner -- Dumb ijit shiner gonna blow up everyone with white lightning fumes if Jimmy and his pals cain't drink it all in time. Get Bubba down here!

Octowussy -- First Bond film about bass fishin', and 'bout time.

Casino Biloxi -- Jimmy investigating casino crime, faces his biggest weakness: nickel slots.

Crittre -- Spoiler alert! In this entry we discover that Buford Blofish, founder of CRITTRE, is actually Jimmy's great-aunt's illegitimate son's daughter's husband, that's her second husband, not the Taggart, who was not the Memphis Taggarts but the other ones, the Texarkana Taggarts, who moved down 'bout sixty miles from Pine Bluff, but the Blofish, the ones who mostly were in the Everglades or as they called it when they was puttin' on airs, the Greater Everglade Area, and they lost touch with her after the Taggart incident and so Blofish never got invited to the Bond family reunions and that boy carries a grudge like it's the last six-pack in the Circle K.

I think this is just what the series really needs. You might think I'm poking fun at my friends in the Southern states, but believe me, any one of them has a lot more on the ball than your average filmmaker. I'd rather watch any of the films I mention above than 99 of any 100 films out of Hollywood these days.