Bob the Mage, ch. 14

[Author's note: Fiction Friday! returns in all its...whatever. And today we have chapter 14 of our thrilling fantasy adventure, Bob the Mage. I wrote Bob in my wayward youth years ago -- my one and only completed fantasy-world book -- and am editing and refreshing it and posting it here. At the end of chapter 13, incompetent wizard Bob and his friends Astercam the Academic and Bourbon the Barbarian had been freed from captivity on a Tegoran ship, when first mate Sanford argued for their innocence. The ship was commissioned to hunt evil wizards, and Bob successfully argued that they should go to Big Evil Island and destroy its master, the incomparably wicked Mormor, and rescue Bob's love, Princess Suzy. Bob's enemies, Bugsby the (supposedly reformed) pirate, Tegoran Mage Corps leader Karkill, and Tegoran army commander Chokolost, are on the ship as well, and a couple of them are reluctant. Perhaps they ought to be...

You know what? This is getting confusing, but we only have three chapters to go. It's not too late to get caught up; here are the links: 
chapter 13, chapter 12, chapter 11,

chapter 10, chapter 9, chapter 8, chapter 7, chapter 6,
chapter 5, chapter 4, chapter 3, chapter 2, chapter 1

And remember, if you're enjoying the book, tell someone! Shout it out loud! Post a link! Tell the swimsuit models you follow on Instagram! If you're hating the book, write me a letter! (frederick_key at yahoo) I'll give you a fresh joke for free!]

Bob the Mage

by Frederick Key

Chapter 14

The closer we got to Big Evil Island, the less noise could be heard on the ship. First the cheerful sounds of happy warriors faded, then the standard everyday grumbling of men at sea faded. Everyone had the feeling that we were up against something for which common chatter was unequal.

There were some incidents that made us think, too. The morning of the second day, a large squall seemed to form ahead of us, completely unexpected based on the weather, that petered out quickly. Astercam and Karkill were certain it was evidence of the Gallstone fighting against the evil magic of Mormor. I was not comforted by the knowledge that if that were the case, then Mormor had seen us and knew we were coming. I certainly hoped he did not have a sea monster on hand, as I didn’t think we’d have much luck finding a virginal royal on this vessel.

A couple of days after that, I was standing on the deck with Sanford again, as the sun dwindled in the west. Astercam’s brilliantly plotted course was taking us right to Mormor, and we now just waited for the tar in the crow’s nest to let us know when the island was spotted. Chokolost had mouthed objections that the island could not possibly be in this direction, so I knew we were on target.

While Bugsby had resigned himself to letting me live for now, and Karkill was dreaming of treasure, Chokolost still refused to be anywhere near me. The one time I saw him aside from consultation on the bridge was at mess, when he grabbed by the nape of the robe and hissed in my ear, “That Mormor had better have as much gold as you said.” Then he pushed me aside and cut the line.

“So,” I said, “are the men ready to pile into the boats?”

“Wrax reports that they are,” said Sanford. “I wish their enthusiasm was as bright as it had been. We seem to be having the life drawn out of us as we get closer. As if we had already died and become ghosts.”

“I had no idea Mormor was so famous in these oceans. There are an awful lot of stories about him around this ship.”

“And a lot of awful stories.”

“Probably all true.”

“Hmmm.”

Silence fell between us with a thud. I was trying to think of something light to say when we heard the cry.

“Land ho!”

And there it was on the horizon, a big blackhead on the face of the ocean. Big Evil Island.

“Very well,” said Sanford. “So the plan is: Move in a little closer, drop the anchor, load the boats, row like crazy, run up to the castle, and hope that the Gallstone dispels any magical attacks.”

“Yes,” I said. “I know Astercam drew maps of the island. There should be no human beings around except Mormor and Suzy, but we may have to fight imps and demons.”

“You have your magical doodads together?”

“As much as I could find on the ship.” Which wasn’t much. With what I had in my pouch, I could do my light and heat and cold spells, and if there were any vermin around that needed zapping, I was your man. That was about it. Actually, considering my ineptitude at combat, I was feeling as useful as a tick on a wooden leg. I now had a nice staff the ship’s carpenter whipped up for me, but it wasn’t enchanted. If a bad guy popped out and stood still for a prolonged period, maybe I could hit him.

We drew closer. I kept waiting for lightning, fireballs, hairballs, something to come at us, but nothing happened. Was the Gallstone really keeping Mormor at bay, or was he just waiting for us to get closer so he could trap us alive and put us in his dungeons? Was Suzy distracting him? Or had she beaned him with a teapot and won the day on her own? When what you expect to happen doesn’t happen, you expect everything else.

While I was checking my bag of magical bits for the seventy-fourth time, a whistle came from the speaking tube. “Now hear this,” shouted Bugsby.

“What?” yelled every nervous sailor on deck.

“Drop the anchor, boys. It’s showtime.”

In moments we were assembled, the anchor dropped, and we were starting to board the boats. The Badass had more landing boats than any ship I’d ever heard of, but that made sense considering it was designed for just this type of operation. Its four large boats would fit us all, not including the handful of swabbies working the ropes. Bugsby directed things on deck, and I heard him tell Sanford he was going to stay aboard and wait for us. “All the more loot for me,” muttered Sanford, and Bugsby inserted himself on the next boat. I got in one with Chokolost and Karkill, and both were glued to my side. We were lowered onto the waves, where the oarsmen did their thing, and some sailors were crying “For the KING!” and others “ARR! BOOTY!” But their hearts didn’t really seem in it.

Soon Big Evil Island was looming over us, its shadows from the dying sun licking us like the cold tongues of demons. I wondered if it was too late to have Chokolost kill me and get it over with fast.

We hit the black-sand beach and started running. Screaming mighty battle cries, we dashed up the path four abreast. I was forced up near the front, along with Bourbon, Astercam, and Sanford. Behind us were dozens of screaming sailors. I guess there was no point in trying a sneak attack. Right in the middle of the herd, two of the beefiest sailors were carrying a crate on poles, a crate that had been our ace in the hold (so to speak) and now we hoped would preserve us against the enemy—a crate containing my old pal, the Gallstone of the Gods.

I could feel the magic coming from it. Unfortunately I could feel a lot more magic ahead of me.

Farther up the path we ran, that craggy path from the beach to the castle, and the cheering died down as everyone ran out of breath. Hey, it was a long uphill run, maybe 300 yards, which is why the ship’s cannon couldn’t give us any cover. Even Bourbon was winded. Without our motivational yelling, the castle, staring down at us with the empty eye sockets of thousands of skulls, looked more terrifying by the second. Morale was starting to dip.

Then we came to a dead stop at the iron doors. Now that we had a good look at them, it was clear that the battering ram we’d brought would be as useful as a toothpick against plate mail. I waited for Bugsby to start ordering siege positions, as we’d discussed on the ship, but he and all the sailors were just looking up at the castle like this whole thing had been the worse idea ever. But Karkill, dreams of gold and treasure still shining in his eyes, said, “Come on, you grunts! As long as we have the Gallstone, nothing can stop us!”

And then two very bad things happened.

First, the enormous eyes on the overall skull shape of the castle were suddenly lit as with unholy fire, blasting twin beams of light into the sky that neither warmed nor illuminated. We all cringed as one.

Then two black-winged beasts swooped down and bowled over the men carrying the Gallstone crate. It wasn’t even a fight. They came from the shadows of the sky while we were staring upward like dumb gerbils and flattened the two dummies with the crate, then whoosh and away, no one even getting in a chop or nocking an arrow. The Gallstone might stop magic, but not magical beasts. All I and Chokolost and the others on King Maximo’s quest had achieved was gone up into the sky, our protection vanished.

We stood there saying nothing, the panic leaping from face to face and building as it went.

“S-say something!” Sanford said, elbowing me hard.

“Wh-wh-what?”

“Say something to them, damn it, before we all lose it!”

I cast my eyes around quickly and then, loudly as I could, yelled, “Men!”

They looked at me.

“What the hell! Let’s do it!”

They blinked.

“Come on! Say it with me! WHAT THE HELL!”

“WHAT THE HELL!” cried a hundred men.

We raced up to the doors, caroming off them without effect. If they were magically sealed we had no chance of getting through. But if that huge keyhole built like a howling mouth was just an ordinary lock…

“Stand back!” I said, and gathered myself for my best heat spell ever. I did the whole song and dance, focus driven by terror, and prayed please, just this once…. And I let loose a shot of burning heat straight into the lock. A flash of sparks came out and a little molten metal was coughed out of the hole.

“That’s my boy!” yelled Karkill.

“WHAT THE HELL!” I screamed, and we hit the doors again. With a huge crash they burst inward, and we stumbled into that hallway I’d entered so long ago. I had done it!

But there was no time to pat myself on the back.

No sooner were we all in, weapons drawn, when a couple of sailors were screaming. From the floor, which was dimly lit by patches of light from the ceiling, greenish hands with two thumbs each grabbed at the sailors’ legs. They popped up everywhere gripping, tripping, grabbing, squeezing with inhuman strength. They appeared to be made of stone, for most of our edged weapons just blunted against them. Kevin the ex-pirate got his wooden leg grabbed; he popped off it, but his good leg was snagged above the knee. Chubby little Wiggen, scowling, leveled his blunderbuss against one arm and blew it to pieces; two more grew in its place. Karkill, lashing out with his wand, had little more luck. We struggled forward, but as we went more and more men became ensnared and were left behind. They were not being crushed to death as I feared at first, but just completely constrained. Soon we were down to fifty in number, then twenty, then ten.

Finally I struggled to the end of the hall and yelled, “WHAT THE HELL!”

“What… the… hell,” wheezed Astercam.

I turned to look at him. We were the only ones left. Behind us were no men, just cries and oaths from where they were captured far behind. Even Bourbon.

“Well, that went to crap in a hurry,” I said. “Just us two now, old-timer?”

“Quite the… coincidence, eh?” he panted.

“Looks like a showdown to me.”

He leaned on his knees and shook his head. “Not like I have anything better to do right now.”

I smiled.

“You scared, Bob?”

“Petrified.”

“Me too.”

We looked back at the hall full of men, struggling against their bonds. We looked ahead into a blinding and sinister light. Then we looked at each other again and shrugged.

“Let’s go,” I said.

😱😱

[Well, surely the next chapter will include the deaths of Bob and Astercam, so you may not want to see this. Or you may have been looking forward to it for weeks. Either way, come back next Friday for our astonishing penultimate chapter!]