Loaf.

Olive loaf: It's not just for breakfast anymore. Olive loaf has many strange and inexplicable capabilities. Olive loaf makes bad neckties look good. Olive loaf had ten pop hit singles in the mid-seventies. In fact, olive loaf invented the disco ball. Popeye's girlfriend was named after the olive loaf. When you say "I love you loads" it sort of sounds like "Olive you loafs." If olive loaf had been around in Judea back in the day, we might have had the miracle of the Olive Loaves and Fishes. Olive loaf can slam a revolving door. If you spontaneously decide to rob a deli, you can order one slice of olive loaf and use it as a mask. It has holes like Swiss cheese for the eyes but is more flexible and clings better. Enough olive loaf in the right form can be used as an emergency watercraft. But be careful: Sharks also cannot resist the great taste of olive loaf. The Oscar Mayer Weinermobile was originally supposed to be the Oscar Mayer Oliveloafmobile, but the slice design didn't allow adequate depth for the engine. Olive loaf can be used as mulch, grout, caulking, or wall decoration. Olive loaf did not shoot a man in Reno just to watch him die, but could have. Olive loaf did beat up a florist for screwing up a wedding order. No arrests were made. Olive loaf was the inspiration for The King's Speech. Choosy triathletes choose olive loaf. Olive loaf accompanied the astronauts to the moon on Apollo 12. Not on purpose--a slice accidentally got stuck to the outside of the capsule. The Pekingese is the only breed of dog that can resist olive loaf, and even then not for long. Olive loaf has been found in the Marianas Trench. The Most Interesting Man in the World is considered kind of meh by olive loaf. Disapproving rabbits disapprove of olive loaf, but in a friendly way. Slices of olive loaf were routinely mailed in secret to prisoners at Attica. Olive loaf can be used as an emergency tire patch. Ruger and Marti Kazunga of West Peat Moss, Pennsylvania, named their second child Olive Loaf Kazunga. Lawsuits are pending. Olive loaf won the U.S. Open in 1964. The original TV dinner consisted of olive loaf, mashed potatoes, peas, and apple brown betty. Omar Bradley credited olive loaf for winning the Battle of the Bulge. Wamsutta's Olive Loaf Pattern sheets were hugely popular but had to be discontinued when the factory that made the loaf-colored dye exploded from overwork. Olive loaf can be used for lampshades, Christmas ornaments, pipe cleaners, shoe polish, cocktail garnish, children's playthings, party hats, emergency blankets, and lunch.
Especially lunch.

Do Not Disrespect the Loaf.