Appreciate or else.

The first full week of May is Teacher Appreciation Week. It is Thursday and I haven't blogged a thing about it. Well, I often handed assignments in late.

I don't want to make it seem like I don't appreciate teachers. Heck, no! Where would little Johnny and Janie and Gender To Be Named Later be without teachers? Home making Mommy and Daddy nuts, that's where!

Teacher Appreciation Week and the more specific Teacher Appreciation Day seem to have been cooked up by the National Education Association, which is like if I came up with Fred Appreciation Day and stood around shaming everyone who didn't appreciate me. Hmm... maybe they're onto something.

So I've come up with some memes to show my gratitude for the teachers of our idiot children.

Ooh, that seems kind of bitter, doesn't it? It's not, after all, just teacher salaries and generous benefits that cause my school taxes to be more than a third higher than my local taxes for all other services combined (government, cops, fire department, EMTs, roads, social services, trash removal, etc.). No, it's also... um... well, I guess it costs a lot to run a school, is all I'm saying. And just because I'll never be able to retire because of all the money I pay in taxes? Hey, I remind myself that they're churning out a smart citizenry ready to take the lead in society. And then I look at our college students. And then I wonder if I should start taking powerful narcotics.

Honestly, though, I admire teachers, especially ones in the inner cities. There's probably no harder job on earth than to try to teach something to kids who are not just not getting support at home, but who are getting pressure from their peers to remain ignorant. I used to work with a guy who got all excited with a mission to leave the publishing game, get his education degree, and teach in the inner city. I don't think he lasted a year. Seriously, he's working for another publisher now, probably making less money than he used to.

And isn't that true? Maybe being a teacher of sweet little children in a suburban kindergarten seems like a piece of cake, but teaching surly teenagers in Detroit? Not so much. Corrections officer seems like a better gig. You can pack heat, or at least a truncheon.

Teachers used to be able to count on Mom and Dad standing behind them, but that's not even the case anymore. Poor kids in fatherless homes, being raised by grandparents or exhausted single moms or fosters or whatever? Upper middle-class kids whose parents demand that their child get an excellent grade, even if they have to take it out of your hide? Seems like everyone either ignores or has it in for the teacher who wants to actually teach and grade fairly. Sure, these are stereotypes, but that doesn't mean there is no truth to them, sadly.

You can only outsource your children so much.

So maybe teachers deserve to be proud. Like librarians, they seem to honestly want to impart information and drive out ignorance. I guess I'd be less grumpy about it if they weren't so often engaging in politics or social engineering. And always, always tooting their own horn. Ever been to one of their conventions? I have. Sheesh.

Yeah, you scientists and doctors and nurses and popes and things, you're just a bunch of lazy skells compared to teachers.

Oh, the heck with it. Maybe if I ever thought I could retire I would be more cheerful.