Will this year be the worst Halloween ever?
Well, in addition to everything else, mostly emanating from the Chinese Death Virus, it certainly could be. I think of Halloween as a kiddie holiday, because I'm past the age where I want to spend it getting into a stupid costume and getting wasted with my friends. We're all too tired after the early bird special at Denny's anyhow.
So my concern is for the kids, and they surely have had bad Halloweens, individually and collectively. Individually I've known children whose Halloween was ruined by chickenpox or a death in the family; collectively, here in the lower Hudson Valley, we've had to cancel everything en masse because of things like the remnants of a hurricane taking down power lines or a freak blizzard that hit just before the big day.
But now we have the Wuhan Fluie, and I almost think it would be better to cancel everything than move forward with a lousy halfhearted "let's have fun!" kind of holiday in which no fun can actually be had.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, for example, has put out a few pages of information designed to make Halloween lousy. It's not the goal, but it's the inevitable result. Here are some helpful tips to suck the fun out of everything:
Make your cloth mask part of your costume.
A costume mask is not a substitute for a cloth mask.
Do NOT wear a costume mask over a cloth mask. It can make breathing more difficult.
Stay at least 6 feet away from others who do not live with you.
Indoors and outdoors, you are more likely to get or spread COVID-19 when you are in close contact with others for a long time.
Go on an outdoor Halloween-themed scavenger hunt.
Visit a pumpkin patch or orchard. Remember to wash your hands or use hand sanitizer frequently, especially after touching frequently touched surfaces, pumpkins, or apples.
Go to a one-way, walk-through haunted forest or corn maze.
But it's probably all right to eat candy, IF you open the wrapper, then wash your hands, then eat the candy, then throw it up. All right, I made up the last part, but it's kind of similar and if there's enough candy it could happen anyway.
I don't want to be Mr. Pouty Puss, but I'm so sick of all this crap that I'm even sick of it on behalf of other people now. I don't even like Halloween much. The doorbell ringing freaks out the dogs, the kids interrupt everything between three p.m. and curfew at eight, and I'm either left with a bunch of candy I don't want (but will eat) or get caught short and wind up giving out money or canned products. And the kids never want to even stay for a "What are you supposed to be?" chat; they are too busy making their rounds and have a lot more doors to hit. I understand -- they're working hard out there.
But maybe not this year. Our town has had a larger than average uptick in cases (that's another story, having nothing to do with people who celebrate Halloween), so the town may feel they should cancel trick-or-treating entirely. Governor Corleone is on the fence. So I haven't even been able to prepare properly.
Okay, I bought two bags of candy. But I am only willing to eat one of them (Milky Way Midnight). The other is full of Twizzlers. Plastic candy substitute to my mind. And maybe I intended to eat some Milky Way Midnights. Dark chocolate, you know; too sophisticated for children.
But that's all beside the point. Halloween is the first of the Big Three (Four if you count New Year's) and it's a harbinger of what the other two will be like. If Halloween sucks thanks to the Chinese Death Virus, we can count on a crappy Thanksgiving and Christmas too.
5 comments:
In a normal year, we'll get maybe 30 or 40 kids, usually in groups of three or four; the doorbell doesn't ring more than a dozen times all night, which is A-OK with me.
This year, expecting nada, as Karens throughout the neighborhood have been spreading word that to trick-or-treat is death.
Of course, we need to be "prepared", "just in case" so we'll lay in a Costco-sized bag of full-sized Hershey with Almond bars or some such, which I will consume over the course of the next few weeks. They are mighty good.
When my kids were of the age (they are now 21 and 29), I was very into it. I did some mighty elaborate jack-o-lantern carving back in the day. Made one like this one time, the kids loved it, parents not so much: https://i2.wp.com/suzannalinton.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/vomitingjack.jpg
We already celebrated my birthday earlier this week. Had everyone over. Mom made pot roast, yum. We are all sick of the Wuhan virus paranoia. We will have treats out for trick and treaters.
By the by, Kroger now has Advent calendars out. Checks date book, still not yet Halloween. Disallowed. yes, they can come out early, but not before Nov. 1.
rbj
Coming up in the next few weeks: Another "debate", Covid-Impaired Halloween, Election Day, and BIL's second wedding. Wedding rockets to the top, with a bullet!
No big deal here. We live on a dead end street with about 15 houses. No children live here and we haven't had any trick or treaters in many many years. We aren't out in the sticks but we aren't in town either. A few weeks ago I had a hankerin' for some chocolate while at CVS. Picked up a nice big bag of peanut butter cups and twix. They have been melted and rehardened. It's a major chore to try and open a once melted crushed pb Cup. The twix are awful. So this year I am hoping for trick or treaters as I will throw the whole bag into their sack. (you know it's bad if I won't eat it.)
PLW: My favorite pumpkin design ever, bar none. Children have much better senses of humor than their parents.
Belated happy birthday, Robert! Sadly, my wife hates pot roast. I think we had leftovers on my birthday. *sigh*
Congrats to BIL, Mongo! Yeah, wedding for the win.
Ruffin, it's too bad the PB cups were not unwrapped so that they could have hardened into one giant PBzilla. Oh well.
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