Magically delicious?

Umm...

Yes, I spotted this box of Kellogg's Unicorn Cereal in the supermarket last week. I have to confess, I'm confused by it for several reasons, which, if you'll indulge me, I will share with you:

1) The unicorn is serious. Not like, I'm gonna spear you serious, but like a little girl would draw. Not snarky, like a modern My Little Pony. Like, really supposed to look like a pretty, gentle, magical fantasy horsey creature. Cartoon cereal mascots usually look either half insane (Cap'n Crunch) or completely insane (Krave squares).

Crunch-a-tize me not, Cap'n

As long as it lives, no one is safe

Sorry, but I'm just so stunned to see a non-wacky and non-snide illustration that I'm not sure I know what to do with it.

2) It's billed as a limited edition, but the US Patent and Trademark Office confirms that Kellogg's has trademarked the name "Unicorn Cereal." It's a bigger pain in the rear end to trademark something than most people think; it actually takes years of work for even a huge corporation to get a valid trademark. Unlike a copyright, you have to prove you are using the product name in commerce, for one thing. So why "limited edition"? I think they're being coy.

3) If Kellogg's intends to keep the unicorn character around, why no name? Frosted Flakes has Tony the Tiger; Froot Loops has Toucan Sam; Rice Krispies has Snap, Crackle, and Pop; Apple Jacks has Apple and CinnaMon. Why no name for the unicorn? (I like Misty.)

4) The cereal itself appears to be in just three colors, red, purple, and blue, not the full rainbow. Toucan Sam's cereal has red, orange, yellow, green, purple, and blue (although the latter three were added in the 1990s). You'd think a magical unicorn would have more colors than a toucan.

5) I thought Starbucks' Unicorn Frappuccino was going to be the end of the unicorn craze, but apparently not. Generally speaking, the overlap for drinkers of fancy coffees and eaters of sugared cereals is not large, but who knows. Can't put anything past Millennials.

6) Kellogg's says it tastes like birthday cake (or "magic cupcake"), which is something I've seen a lot, starting with Perry's ice cream and later M&M's, gummies, protein bars, and doughnuts. Really "birthday cake" just means cake, since birthday cake, however decorated, is a basic cake. Same for magic cupcakes.

7) I couldn't bring myself to buy it. You all know that I've bought tons of ridiculous cereals to review for my public; everything from French-toastie cereals to candy-inspired cereals to superhero cereals to Girl Scout cookie cereals. But this was a bridge too far. Even the irrepressible Mr. Breakfast has failed thus far to review Unicorn Cereal, although he does mention that the cereal or one very like it is marketed in the UK as Unicorn Froot Loops. So that's interesting.

I don't know -- I may break down and try it just for the challenge. I'm trying to get off the sugar bandwagon, but with the holidays approaching anyway.... Still, purchasing a girly cereal for personal consumption would push me into Brony territory, I fear, and there's a stigma.

Of course, if it turns out that Kellogg's named the unicorn Misty, I would have to buy a box. I like Misty.