Bob the Mage, ch. 13.

[Author's note: Sorry, gang, but like it or not, it is Fiction Friday! again! And today we have chapter 13 of our fantasy novel, Bob the Mage. As I keep explaining, maybe as an excuse, I wrote Bob in my ill-spent youth years ago -- my one and only completed fantasy-world book -- and am editing and refreshing it and posting it here. At the end of chapter 12, incompetent wizard Bob and his friends Astercam the Academic and Bourbon the Barbarian had been arrested on a Tegoran ship, after escaping Big Evil Island and its master, the evil Mormor. Bob's enemies, Bugsby the (possibly reformed) pirate, Tegoran Mage Corps leader Karkill, and Tegoran army commander Chokolost, are on the ship and out for Bob's blood. For a moment it looked like Astercam had saved Bob's bacon, but the crowd turned on him. The crew is about to vote on whether Bob should live or die...

If you haven't been following along to this point and want to binge-read, here are the links: 
chapter 12, chapter 11,

chapter 10, chapter 9, chapter 8, chapter 7, chapter 6,
chapter 5, chapter 4, chapter 3, chapter 2, chapter 1

And remember, if you're enjoying the book, tell someone! Post a link! Tell your grandma on Facebook! Post a link with some cat videos! If you're hating the book, write me a letter! (frederick_key at yahoo) I'll apologize for wasting your time!]

Bob the Mage

by Frederick Key

Chapter 13

Then they killed me.

No, just joshing. There are four more chapters in this story to go; at least give me one more. That’s what Sanford did.

Just as Bugsby was about to call again for the vote to kill me, First Mate Sanford said, “Excuse me, Captain Bugsby! I request the chance to speak!”

“Don’t bother, matey; we’ve got enough to hang him now.”

“No, sir; if you please, I wish to defend the man.”

“DeFEND! DEFEND? This is MUTINY!” cried the captain.

“Hardly, sir. I can assure you that under the laws of Tegora, differing opinions of the captain and members of his crew in a criminal trial do not constitute mutiny.”

“Damn yer eyes, you rotten mother-suckin’ barnacle!”

“Such outbursts are unbecoming a captain of His Majesty’s fleet, if may say so, captain.”

“GAAAH!”

Bluster as he might, Bugsby was up against pure implacability and he hadn’t a clue as to how to get around it. Pirates could duel, or throw each other to the sharks, or randomly assault each other, but such things are not in keeping with a shiny new captain of the king, especially when your first mate is popular with the crew, as Sanford was. Defeated, Bugsby stepped aside, gallantly waving Sanford up with mock civility. As the first mate stepped up smartly, Bugsby muttered about the good old days.

“Captain, fellow officers, and sailors,” Sanford began, nodding to the captain, “none of you but Wrax, Wiggen, and the codefendants and I were present when this Bob told us of his love for the princess Suzette, held captive on a dangerous island where a sorcerer wields hellish powers against his prisoners. Bob and his companions barely escaped from the clutches of this madman, with the help of his princess, and now Bob lives only to seek the means to save her.

“Rubbish, you say? I see some of you scoffing. Puzzman, and you there, Grattie. Scoff if you will, but you know I am a good judge of men. A first mate must be loyal to his ship above all, and fearless, but he must also have a keen ear for truth. And while I suspect a few details may have been fudged, I say that this Bob’s fear of the evil wizard and his love of Suzette are truer than most of the pitiful emotions that most of us wander about with through our lives. He speaks truth! And we three officers, I, Wrax, and Wiggen, ask that you vote to spare his worthy life so that we may all aid him in his quest.

“I note that Bob’s esteemed accusers are looking at me as if I had lost my senses. With all due respect, I think they are mistaken, although I can understand it. For they must think I am asking to set this devil free, and not only that, but to salute him and follow his orders as well. After all, was it not the mission of this ship to hunt for the evil Bob? Is that not why we have the very artifact he was supposed to recover, activated by Hackles the Bold’s Hairy Wand?”

At this, my eyes and Astercam’s both bugged out. They had the Gallstone of the Gods here, on this ship? That useless hunk of rock? And yet it was obviously not useless anymore. It was sending out some kind of magical energy that I had detected over the waves; that must have been what I felt that had led me to steer our little boat toward this ship. I’d heard of the Hairy Wand, mainly as a joke, but if the Tegorans had it and had a wizard who was able to actually use it, that would explain some of what was going on. The Wand’s purpose was kind of as an enhancer and activator. Simon the Unsteady said it was a catalyst, but at the time I thought he meant it did something to cats. Not to get too “inside jousting” on you; I can say the Wand was not a fearsome magic weapon, but it could be used to activate other magical items or wake dormant magical creatures. So was the Gallstone now some magical protection against evil wizardry? Did that mean that this ship and its crew, although sent to kill me, were really the best hope to stop Mormor?

I wanted badly to hear what Astercam might think, but at the moment Sanford was still talking.

“Bob is no more a villain than any of us,” he said, “and in fact, probably less of a villain than many. Did he break our laws? Well, haven’t most of you? Did he really work magic on innocent men? Look at his pathetic form and tell me what you think. Did he disobey orders? He survived Karkill’s training, and did get Chokolost to the stone they were seeking. He may have disobeyed Captain Bugsby by meeting the princess, who was a, um, a guest on the Seaworthy, but it must be said that the Seaworthy was a pirate ship and Bob’s action could be construed as a service to the crown. And remember, he, like all the pirates on that ship, did get pardoned in exchange for fighting a sea monster.

“We believe that Bob’s actions were no credit to his service to Tegora, but we must temper justice with mercy. Most of all, we must believe the evidence of our association with him, that Bob is not a powerful mage, may be barely competent at best, and there is nothing to be gained by putting him to death. It would not serve justice and would be an insult to the hope for mercy in this world!”

You might imagine that I was stunned. You’d be right. Not only was Sanford suggesting mercy, but the crew was listening, and some were nodding.

“As for his quest,” said Sanford, “I submit that what Bob seeks, the freedom of his princess and the destruction of Morwor Mordun Mormor, is exactly what we are meant to do. Chokolost told us that the reason he was sent to find the Gallstone of the Gods was because the crown feared the growing power of the wizard Mormor, and was looking for a means of protection against dark magic. It has been a single-minded goal of King Maximo’s for a decade, and for good reason. I suspect that the reason we were commissioned to find Bob was mainly as a test to see if the Gallstone’s protection was really active against evil magic. Well, we cannot consider it a success or a failure yet. But then, look at it this way: We have the stone, we have three passengers who have been to the evil Mormor’s island and know the layout, and we know the legends that Mormor has tremendous piles of gold and gems and magical items hoarded in his castle. These men, these three brave men, these three brave men who know what kind of serious treasure may be found on Big Evil Island… perhaps even the legendary treasure of Gargothene the Odiferous… these three men can lead us to battle and plunder and the rescue of the Princess Suzette! Our man Bob can take us straight to the evil Mormor, and with the strength of our arms and the power of the stone, we shall destroy him! And get the gold! What say you now, men?”

They ate it up. Sanford could have told them to jump into the water and tow us to the island. I hoped he hadn’t oversold it, since I had not actually seen any mounds of gold on Big Evil Island, but it stood to reason that Mormor had them—and it served its purpose. Those Sanford could not sway by reason, he swayed by greed. Bugsby still was calling for the vote of death, but his voice was lost in the cheering. Karkill had softened, and he leaned on a barrel with a dreamy look in his eyes. Chokolost just glared.

Within minutes I was freed of my chains, as were Bourbon and Astercam (although they left the muzzles on Astercam). I was hoisted on the shoulders of sailors who demanded, “Speech! Speech!”

“No, it’s time for action!” I yelled.

“Speech! Speech!”

“Well, okay.”

They put me on the poop deck and I waited for them to quiet down.

“Thank you all,” I began, “for showing true honor. And thanks to Astercam and Sanford, who spoke so well on my behalf. I am not evil, as you know, and I am glad to be accepted among this fine crew, the crew of the finest ship I have ever seen!” This bit was true, but I had spent my life as a total landlubber and had seen exactly four ocean vessels up close, counting the catamaran; no use mentioning that now. “Let us sail on to Big Evil Island and take the battle of good upon our shoulders! For the king!”

“THE KING!”

“The princess!”

“THE PRINCESS!”

“The loot!”

“THE LOOOOOOOT!”

There was much shouting and laughing, backslapping and autographing. It seemed to take a while before anyone got back to work.

When they did, Astercam—finally de-muzzled—was taken with a grouchy Bugsby to chart a course for Mormor’s stronghold. Sanford got the men turning the ship in the generally correct direction. Chokolost went below, glowering as he passed. Karkill followed me around all afternoon, though, saying things like, “I knew you were a good sort, Bob” and “You do the warrior mages proud” and “Just how much gold is on this island, anyway?”

I said, “Imagine the biggest pile of gold you can.”

“All right.”

“Is it really big?”

“Oh, I have a strong imagination.”

“Double it.”

“Whoa,” he said.

“And all kinds of magic stuff just lying around by the sackful.”

“Whoaaaa.”

That got rid of him for a while, but it was still several hours before I could speak with Sanford alone. We stood on the bridge at sunset, while the sky was filling with heavy clouds and a nervous wind played through the ropes. From all quarters I could still hear snatches of shanties sung by sailors dreaming of heroism and riches and glory as they worked. Sanford gripped the wheel steadily, his eyes reflecting the reddening sun.

“So why’d you do it?” I asked.

“Do what, Bob?” he said, still looking to sea.

“Why’d you save my neck?”

“You don’t think I believed your story?”

“I’d like to think so, since it was true,” I said, “in its key aspects anyway. But most people don’t believe me, and no one’s ever trusted me, except Suzy, for some reason. Why you?”

“I did believe your story. And Astercam’s. They jibed with everything I’ve ever heard about Mormor. And the king really would like Mormor to be dead.”

Silence for a bit, broken only by the drifting songs, the odd slap of sail.

“And?” I asked.

“And the gold,” he said. “I’m a decent sort of chap, but I’m not stupid.”

💰💰💰💰

[Can the crew of the Badass take the fight to the evil wizard? Can they stand up against Mormor? Will Bob's enemies try to dispose of him again? Tune in next Friday for Chapter 14 and find out!]