Thursday, May 29, 2014

Lousy rotten birds.

I can't say I had high hopes for there when they appeared on the bargain rack at Walmart.

But like an idiot I bought them. I thought maybe the reason for the product limping into the Rack of Failure was that the bloom is off the Angry Birds rose, or at least the game has been crushed by Candy Crush and other newer games.

But the "Product of Mexico" label should have tipped me off. It could explain the weird, non-fruit-like flavors of some of these birds. Mexico has a large variety of produce that isn't popular or well-known north of the border, and for all I know the green ones (blech) were supposed to be plantain or avocado. I've had plantains and avocado, and they tasted nothing like the green ones. But you know how grape candy never really tastes like grapes? I figured the same dynamic might be in effect.

Here is the cast:

Sharp eyes immediately detect the main problem: None of these actually look much like the characters. The green ones should be pigs, but they look like blobs of phlegm. The yellow ones and red ones don't look like anything but each other, and they should not look the same anyway; they should look like Chuck or Red.

The Bomb ones look most similar to the character, but are still obviously poor:

Nope---weird flavor, bad character resemblance, product fail.

Now, why has it taken so long for Candy Crush candy to be widely available? Last Christmas the craze was in full swing and I didn't see any of it in stores. Maybe I got there too late. That sometimes happens, even with candy. Not often, but sometimes.

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