Didn't see that coming!

 

Fred's Book Club: At the Plate.

It's Wednesday, friends, and that means another dose of the Humpback Writers, our Hump Day book feature. Get it? Hump Day, Humpback? No? Me neither. 

Anyway, it's also the day before baseball's Opening Day, and with that we have another baseball book, and another brief tale of Fred from when he had a career. Yes, today we have a book from National Geographic and the National Baseball Hall of Fame and Museum, a children's book that is as American as anything American can be. 

And I couldn't get to Ralph Kiner for an autograph. The local TV crews were all over him. 

America at Bat: Baseball Stuff & Stories came out of a national tour, and the tour came from the love for our nation in the wake of the dastardly attacks of September 11, 2001. The Hall of Fame and its partners decided to put together a tour of sensational baseball memorabilia from the museum, a tour that would launch with an appearance by dozens of Hall of Famers. It began in New York City in March 2002, and traveled as a museum installation for six years, finishing in Boston in September 2008. It was called Baseball As America. 

At the time of the launch I was working for a magazine in midtown, and was one of the only people on staff who was a fan of baseball, or any sport other than backbiting. So when the features editor got an invitation to the launch party at the American Museum of Natural History, she kindly asked if I wanted to go. Did I!

I could not have imagined being in a room with so many baseball superstars at once. Kiner was there, and Hank Aaron, and Warren Spahn, and Bob Feller, and 22 others, and somewhere I had a notebook and press info with everyone's names but that has been lost to time. 

Out of the tour came a commemorative book for adults, but I wasn't given a copy of that. I got the kids' book, written by Paul Rosenthal, with an introduction by Aaron, from which these pages come. It's a great little book, full of amazing baseball pictures, stories, trivia, and photos of objects from the Hall of Fame's museum that were on the tour. Tour items included a replica of Ruth's bat you could pick up, FDR's "green light" letter to Commissioner Landis recommending baseball continue during World War II, and of course ancient equipment, priceless uniforms and cards, and an Andy Warhol silkscreen of Tom Seaver. 

I thought then and think now that it was a nice thing for the Hall of Fame to do, and a reminder that sports could really bring people of all backgrounds together. 

Of course, in recent years, sports, like everything else, is being used to tear us apart instead. Which is why I can be sentimental about this sentimental book -- baseball was a light in a dark hour in New York City in the year after 9/11. I wish Major League Baseball and the other pro sports leagues felt that way now. Instead they seem to hate America as much as our foreign enemies do, and then wonder why Americans are tuning out. But I'll probably be watching some games this year, at least until the newly configured Mets fall prey to injuries and stupidity, as usual. 

The underpants scandal.

The latest victim of cancel culture is the great superhero Captain Underpants, or rather, Captain Underpants's co-creation by the same author and illustrator, Dav Pilkey. I'm not surprised at anyone being attacked by the woke mokes, but was confused about what happened in this case. The problem is supposed to be "passive racism" in a spinoff book. The New York Post reports:

The publisher announced it will no longer distribute Dav Pilkey’s 2010 graphic novel, The Adventures of Ook and Gluk: Kung-Fu Cavemen from the Future, saying in a statement released last week that the decision had been made with the “full support” of the author.

The author, of course, issued a groveling apology: “But this week it was brought to my attention that this book also contains harmful racial stereotypes and passively racist imagery. I wanted to take this opportunity to publicly apologize for this. It was and is wrong and harmful to my Asian readers, friends, and family, and to all Asian people.”

So what the hell was in this book?

The credited George Beard and Harold Hutchins are the child protagonists from the Captain Underpants books, and let's be very clear that they are not supposed to possess genius intellects. I've only seen a couple of illustrations from Ook and Gluk, and nothing seems too shocking -- just appropriately dumb for a book by a couple of little boys.

[sic] their village

I found it hard to believe that any were published in 2010. It's not like this guy was doing cartoons about the Japanese during World War II, like Dr. Seuss; this was eleven years ago. What's the issue? 

Amazon and Barnes & Noble have already pulled it, and Scholastic has told libraries to burn it. To the fire! You are not of the body! But my library system allows digital downloads, so I borrowed one quickly before they got the word -- and discovered Mr. Wong of the kung fu school, who teaches the heroes martial arts and saves the day. 

So Mr. Wong in the Mr. Miyagi part is bad, but geez, everyone looks goofy in this book. That's the point. It's a funny adventure as told by two knuckleheaded boys. But there's your passive racism. Meh, I call BS -- Mr. Wong is a hero of the story; all the bad people and stupid people are white. Who cares?

I wondered also if the depiction of kung fu, or the use of the term itself, was, as they say, "problematic." Merriam-Webster defines kung fu as "any of various Chinese martial arts and related disciplines that are practiced especially for self-defense, exercise, and spiritual growth," so perhaps the spiritual aspect that makes it turn up in a kids' gag book also made it offensive. I mean, I don't think this is the equivalent of Ook and Gluk traveling to the future, being ordained as Catholic priests, and then defeating the enemies of "there villege" by consecrating the bread and wine.  

Hard to believe, but it was almost ten years ago now that Simon Ledger was arrested on the Isle of Wight for singing the 1974 #1 Billboard Hot 100 hit "Kung Fu Fighting" by Carl Douglas. "A man of Chinese origin" who was strolling by the karaoke bar took offense, reported the offensive disco classic to the police, and Ledger was hauled out by the bobbies. Ultimately he was not charged, but the point was made. In response, the irrepressible Mark Steyn has been singing the song at appearances ever since. 

I guess we know who's next on the chopsocky block:

Could be!

Never mind that Phooey is a non-racially-aligned dog. And being voiced by a black performer and being the "Number One Super Guy" will not save Hong Kong Phooey's hash. So far he's safe, but that won't last long. 

I have to wonder who really got under Scholastic's skin about this Ook and Gluk book. Was it the Communist Chinese Party, which has been throwing its weight around all over the place, in matters grave and pesky? Was it a group of Asian children, more concerned about stupid books than attacks on Asians in cities or denial of college admittances to Asian students? Was it a genuine kung fu master, offended by the slight? Or was it a bunch of white women who make it their focus to be offended all day, every day, even by things that don't offend them?

If it's the last, they ought to be careful -- I hear a lot of them like yoga, which Merriam-Webster defines as "a Hindu theistic philosophy teaching the suppression of all activity of body, mind, and will in order that the self may realize its distinction from them and attain liberation". Their flippant abuse of this spiritual philosophy sounds pretty offensive to the Hindus, you ask me. I would hate for the perpetually outraged Karens and their yoga mats to be cast into the outer darkness like Ook and Gluk.

Feaster.

Every Thanksgiving, turkey becomes a huge deal -- every American has to comment on the turkey he or she is having for dinner, or explain why something else was on the menu. Eating kosher or halal is no excuse, of course, unless you're in some area that can't provide those butchers, but veganism, vegetarianism, poultry allergy, and just a strong dislike of turkey are acceptable excuses, although the excusee may harbor doubts about the excuser's devotion to the holiday and, by extension, America. The only non-turkey excuse that really works is the argument of authenticity, that the Pilgrims likely did not eat turkey on the first Thanksgiving, and thus one is instead having truly traditional dishes including eel and deer. 

Other holidays are not so steadfast on the entrée. Usually Easter boils down to ham or lamb, but it's a toss-up. A lot of people don't like lamb; they find it gamey, or they just don't want to eat young animals (these would avoid veal as well). The significance of lamb to the holiday is obvious, from Jesus the Lamb of God, but I'm not sure how ham got into the act. Unless it was to prove that, thanks to St. Paul, Christians can eat pigs and it's all cool. Sort of. 

You don't have to be Christian to love ham!

It may be that some families go with turkey for Easter, and I wouldn't be surprised. My preferred supermarket, the one on the five-story hill, has an offer that goes as follows: If you spend $400 in the store in the weeks leading up to Easter, you can use your loyalty card to get a free half shank smoked ham, store-brand turkey, frozen lasagna, kosher chicken, turkey breast, Tofurky, Gardein vegan "holiday roast," or deep discounts on other hams and turkeys. Going by this it looks like people eat ham, turkey, or spurious fake meat. But there are no lamb discounts. (I understand that people celebrating Passover would probably not be getting ham, and often will serve chicken, but where are the brisket discounts?)

Well, as for me and mine, we're having lamb shanks. What's on your menu? 

Mulch ado.

My favorite supermarket was having a springtime mulch sale. What a coincidence -- I needed some mulch! And they had the red dyed stuff, my favorite! Why not buy what I need now, and avoid the hassle of going to a garden store?

Seems like a boring blog entry, doesn't it? Stay with me a second.

The good news is, the mulch was on skids right outside by the shopping carts. The bad news is, I still had to bring them inside to pay for them. And I needed nine bags, each containing 1.5 cubic feet and weighing about 30 pounds damp. 

A normal guy might take one bag in and ask for it to be rung up nine times, but as I am sure you know, Fred is no normal guy. No, I thought that might look dishonest. So I loaded three bags on the bottom rack of the cart, five in the basket, and one in the toddler seat. Then, mask in place, I bumbled into the store, humming a light tune like this was nothing weird, past the produce, past the florist, past the customer service desk, and into the checkout area. And I checked out. So far, so good.

But I should note that this supermarket sits high on a hill, and its parking lot is steep and progressively steeper the farther from the store one gets. So it was me, a (roughly) 60-pound cart, and 270 pounds of mulch starting a descent to where I'd foolishly parked a number of spaces away from the store itself. 

At first it was no problem, but as it got steeper the cart started to steer toward shiny new cars owned by others. All humming ceased. Seeing chaos about to ensue, I exchanged my grip on the handle and sidled alongside the side, using my body as a shield to keep the cart on a diagonal path toward my car. And luckily, I was able to make it there and move around to the front to make sure the cart did not go past my car, because from there is the road out of the lot and into the wilds of the world beyond. 

That's an extreme case, but the steepness of the lot can be challenging. This is especially true at the holidays, when people get big orders. I'm surprised that I haven't ever pulled in before Thanksgiving and seen a little ol' lady chasing a cart full of feast supplies down that hill. That damn turkey mayn't have flown in its life, but by damn, is it flyin' now!

Anyhow, mission accomplished, and now I don't have to go back to Home Depot for a while. Which is nice, because they leave the mulch sacks out in the rain and so they weigh more like fifty pounds each. Although their parking lot is flat.

The Peep of doom?

Easter is nearly here -- tomorrow is Palm Sunday -- and so the Peeps are everywhere. Not that I have a problem with that. Longtime readers will know I've reviewed all sorts of Peeps products on this blog, even weird combo items like the Peeps Oreos. 

I would say that they have overrun the Easter aisle a little, but it's their main time of the year -- it would be like complaining that there are too many candy canes at Christmas. 

Look at this! Giant Peeps! Chocolate-dipped Peeps! Decorate-Your-Own Peeps! Hot cinnamon and birthday cake Peeps! Fruit punch and chocolate pudding Peeps! It's a Peep-for-all! 

And yet none of that makes me fear we have gone too close to the edge. But PEPSI x PEEPS? Is this a sign of the aPEEPcalypse? Oh, yes -- this may indeed be the last Peep.

From the press release: 

Fans can submit photos of themselves enjoying the spring with PEEPS® Marshmallow Chicks and Bunnies by tagging @PEPSI, #HangingWithMyPEEPS and #PepsiSweepstakes on Twitter and Instagram for the chance to win a coveted limited-edition three-pack of PEPSI x PEEPS®.

"After what has been a very difficult year, many consumers are looking for new things to smile about.  So, to celebrate the start of springtime, Pepsi collaborated with PEEPS® to develop a limited batch of its first-ever marshmallow cola.  This PEPSI x PEEPS® collaboration will be available in three bright colors through a distinctive mini-can design and will most certainly have fans buzzing all season long," said Todd Kaplan, VP Marketing – Pepsi. "We know our consumers love our limited product drops, and we believe that PEPSI x PEEPS® will deliver an iconic and delicious pairing that has the potential to become a fan favorite." 

Yes, you read that right -- Pepsi is putting out a marshmallow soda in conjunction with Peeps. 

Would I try this? Are you crazy? Of course I would try this! I would be letting the Internet down if I didn't post a review! But I'm a little confused as to whether this product is going to be available in stores or just through the sweeps-- uh, PEEPstakes. 

I'll let you know if I find it. A nice cold glass of marshmallow soda might be just what the doctor ordered, even if it is somehow another sign of the Armageddon. In which case, we will know that this Peeps soda was a fridge too far.

To Helen gone!

I'm not one to go tooting my own horn, as you know. I'd much rather bribe someone to toot my horn for me, and then act all embarrassed about the tootage. Oh, please, you make me blush!

Nevertheless, I wanted to put up a post today about Helen's Page, upon which I have signed for a trial basis.

Dr. Helen Smith, author of Men on Strike and, in her spare time, Mrs. Instapundit, has decided to take the cultural challenge of canceling to heart -- and fight back. Since prominent Internet platforms are deleting books and events and even persons that might get in the way of El Narrativo (in Mikeski's term), she has begun her own media page -- Helen's Page, "A Happy Place for Liberty-Minded People to Meet." 

So I created an account there. It's not much yet, mostly a means of displaying my novels and a link to come here, to this marvelous blog, whereupon one might click on those links to the right and peruse the wares. I'd like to support the page and help get people more interested in it, even if they don't want to buy my books.

We know that approximately half the known universe follows Instapundit, or should, so that's a lot of people who might check out Helen's Page. I hope more people join up, and we can make this bigger than Etsy, Craig's List, Angie's List, Huffington's Post, Drudge's Report, and Stiiv's Bunk! (Yeah, I know I got them wrong and one of them doesn't even exist. "Drudge Report" -- ha.)

Wish me luck, but mostly wish Dr. Helen luck -- this is her "Build Your Own Platform" moment, and with the other platforms becoming cancel culture mouthpieces for monothink, or being canceled themselves, we need more platforms "for Liberty-Minded People." 

There's a report on NBC that quotes a senior Department of Homeland Security official saying that "DHS plans to expand its relationships with companies that scour public data for intelligence" (you know which companies those might be). "'The idea is to identify people who may through their social media behavior be prone to influence by toxic messaging spread by foreign governments, terrorists and domestic extremists,' the official said. 'We want to Identify the narratives that are emerging, assess which narratives are likely to incite violence, figure out what targets are likely and then take steps to mitigate the risk.'" 

The ostensible cause for this plan is not the rioting last year that killed 25 people, injured hundreds, destroyed livelihoods and caused millions (if not billions) in damages; it's a handful of unarmed knuckleheads who got into the Capitol on January 6. The idea is that the government, which knew Ahmad Al Aliwi Alissa of Colorado was a problem and did nothing to stop him before he murdered ten innocents, is going to put people on a no-fly list (among other things) for Liking the wrong things on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that if this had been a Trump administration initiative, you'd have heard the screaming on cable news in the Kuiper Belt.

In other words, Helen’s Page is about more than getting some books in front of eyeballs. This is about creating space on the Internet for a free citizenry to enjoy basic freedom of political expression without fear of reprisal. We need a lot more of that.