Products at the end of the world.

So, as the week draws to a close, and the world comes to an end (your mileage may vary) due to Chinese Death Virus and election shenanigans and all the other fun from 2020, what's out there worth buying?

Well, we all still need hand sanitizer, and now we have to get kiddie hand sanitizer, just like we have kiddie toothpaste and kiddie bubble bath. So who wants some SpongeBob hand sanitizer?

While suspended by a handy carabiner, the product does have three problems I can identify. One, it is made in China, who started all the trouble in the first place. Two, it wants to trade off the fame of cartoon TV star SpongeBob SquarePants, but he barely appears on the packaging. Three, it is supposed to smell like bubble gum, but mostly smells like fake banana candy -- you know, as in circus peanuts.

Oh, and four -- it looks like someone peed in your hand. For real.

The yellow color is quite vivid and goes all over your hands as you sanitize, but seems to fade into your skin as you go. I'm not sure how this works. Maybe it just becomes faint. If you use it as an aftershave you might look jaundiced, and maybe get out of work for the day. 

This too came from China, via Target:

So that's cheerful hand sanitizer, isn't it? "Winter Wonderland"! Blue color! Snowman! Snowflakes! "Scentfull"! So what do you think it smells like? 

Wrong! I don't know what it smells like -- maybe some cheap 70's cologne with Tabasco mixed in -- but if you guessed mint or whipped cream or something, you're off base. The Target site says it has "the cozy scent of Frosted Balsam, Vanilla & Musk," which "will leave your hands delightfully fragranced." I don't know what Balsam smells like, let alone Frosted Balsam, and Musk I know not either. 

Years ago, long before this whole COVID-19 crap broke out, I bought a store-brand hand sanitizer from Home Depot, an HDX-branded bottle that came from China. At that time Purell and GermX were the only brands in the game, and they smelled nice. The HDX stuff smelled like peppered tequila that had been infected with some kind of fungus. I later heard that the soap at the Hotel Millennium in Downtown Manhattan also had an odd peppery scent that was meant to appeal to its many travelers from China and Japan. Well, the HDX didn't appeal to me. I got rid of it. Little could I foresee the weird sanitizers in our future. 

I think I finally figured out this scent: It's Fang Fang's femme fatale perfume. 

Let's get to something more useful. Mr. Fix-It here has had a busy week at the homestead. I found a flood under the kitchen sink and fixed it! (Seems like the dishwasher's vibrations had loosened the wastepipe over the years and a leak suddenly developed, fixed by... tightening the pipes!) Worse, one of the two little pre-lit trees that stand vigil at the front door lost half its lights during the off-season. Since these were pre-strung, pulling off the old lights to replace them is virtually impossible, but finding the entwined outage is about as difficult. Quelle damage! What's do be done? Shoot it! 

I love the little Light Keeper kit. It can detect outages in the bulbs and the cords! It can test individual bulbs! It carries replacement bulbs! Best of all, you can try to restart a line by shooting into an empty bulb socket! Okay, it didn't work, but it helped me find and replace the dead bulb in no time. It was $23 from Home Depot, but a lot cheaper than replacing the little tree, or both of them if a match could not be found. I'm getting a little holster for this gun to carry with me next year during decorating. 

Now, for those out there saying, "The perfect ornament doesn't exist for 2020! We know because Fred looked at all the Hallmark ornaments in October!" I say "Ha!" And add, "I looked farther afield than Hallmark and found this!"

Yes, it's the festive and lovely toilet paper roll ornament from the one and only Old World Christmas. What better way to celebrate 2020? It comes with a little card that explains the history of toilet paper right up to its first US production in 1857. It's going to look great on my tree. At least until my wife finds it. The only question I have is, why didn't it make Dave Barry's annual gift guide?

Finally, I got myself a present this year, something I've been putting off. The comedian Larry Miller has been doing a podcast for eleven seasons, but due to the coronavirus crisis has decided to call it quits at last. Well, I've been eyeing the shirts and such in his souvenir shop, and have long wanted this:

For those who know the world of Milleronia, no explanation is needed; for those who do not, no explanation will suffice.