It's for the kids.

My wife was watching something on TV the other night that I'm glad I missed. But that's okay, because she told me all about it, ensuring I got to enjoy the nightmare fuel. Now it's your turn.

It was a documentary show that profiled the friendly little jellyfish known as the Irukandj. This cheery little transparent chap, only about one square centimeter in size, carries enough venom to kill a grown man, who might never even know that he got stung. It's so hard to see in the water that you might offend its sensibilities unawares, at which time the little bastard will kill you.

Do I even need to mention he hangs out in the waters of Australia? That'll put a crimp on your hols. No wonder they pronounce "holiday" and "holi-die" the same way.

This inspired me to create a new series of educational books for the wee ones out there. Children, probably boys the most, like picture books with deadly animals, gross creatures, and things like that. They are fascinated. They like to freak one another out. So my idea is not terribly new; what puts it over the top is the celebrity endorsement.

We can do a lot of these, because wherever you are -- forests, deserts, rivers, lakes, mountains, glaciers, cities, your own backyard -- there's always some s**t trying to f**k you up.

So Mr. Jackson, if you're available, have your people call my people. We'll write the books; we'd just ask you to add your irrepressible flair to the introductions. Also the info boxes ("LISTEN UP, M***ERF**KER") that share particularly juicy factoids about murderous wildlife. Wouldn't you like a Robert F. Sibert Informational Book Medal to go with your many other awards? Of course you would!