D&D: Virus of the East module.

Dungeon Master: Okay. You have at last found the Secret Storehouse of the Merchant Kings. The weather remains gloomy. There are signs of other life present within the storehouse.

Bob: What kind of signs?

DM: Other carriages, wagons, and beasts of burden in the parking lot.

Sally: We find a place to park the War Wagon.

Jasper: The Valiant!

Bob: By Plymouthe.

Pete: My thief looks around for any vehicles that might contain riches.

DM: (rolls die behind screen) You see a sign on a post that says "Ye Premises Watched by Beholdervision. All Perpetrators of Criminal Activities Shall Be Annihilated."

Bob: Forget it, Pete. We can't take a beholder.

Pete: Could be a bluff.

Sally: We have a mission, Pete. I say let's go inside and get what we need.

Bob: Can your cleric read the scroll again? Jasper, make a list.

Sally: All right:

From Merchant Kings you must acquire

Five items for your mission dire.

A chest of gauntlets sized for all

To stop yon terror's horrid pall.

A bag of webs need for ye cause 

Protection for ye mouth and schnoz. 

For sustenance the pearls of might 

Of pinto, kidney, black and white.

Elixir of cleansing made with booze

To rub ye hands with thus ye use.

A roll of vellum nice and floofie

To clean excreta from ye tushie.

Gather ye stuff to fight the beast

That grips ye town from farthest East.

Jasper: So, gloves, masks, beans, hand sanitizer, and TP. 

Bob: Let's move out. I'll take the front, Pete will watch our backs.

Jasper: I want a cart.

Bob: We don't need a cart. We can carry it.

Jasper: People always say that and then they find a dozen other things they need. 

Sally: Well, we don't want to have to fight while holding a case of beans. Not like we have a Bag of Holding. Are there any carts?

DM: (rolls dice) There's only one nearby. One wheel looks a little wonky. A small party of goblins is eyeing it.

Jasper: I go grab it. 

DM: Okay. (rolls dice.)

Jasper: What? 

DM: Your mage has no gloves. 

Jasper: Damn it! Did I get hit?

DM: You'll find out in an average of five to six days.

Jasper; I won't touch my face! Come on, Allie Kazam's got a huge intelligence.

DM: Okay, make an intelligence roll.

Jasper: (rolls) Son of a bitch!

DM: I'd say you've already stuck your fingers in your nose.

Sally: Why didn't you let me do a Detect Disease, stupid?

Jasper: Crap!

DM: You see a couple of fat orcs coming out of the storehouse, both coughing heavily....