All flesh is non-GRAS.

As a yout, my wife was a fan of Planters' foray into non-nut snacks. Particularly the Planters Cheez Balls, spelled with a Z for extra Zing. She says that she got through college on those and Combos. Then, in 2006, they went away. Sad!

So one day I was on the checkout line in the grocery store when I happened to glance over at a big impulse-buy bin full of Planters Cheez Balls. 

Hm. Planters Cheez Balls. 

SAY WHAT?

Apparently -- and somehow I missed this on the national news -- Planters test-marketed a return of the CBs last year, a test that was obviously successful, and here they are. So I dove off the line to get a can and make my sweetheart's day.

She said thanks! And she says they're not as good as they used to be.

It's easy to think that things one used to like have lost their zing, partly because as we get older we start to lose taste buds, and our ability to smell fades as well, which is a dirty trick considering that it's when the doctor starts prescribing bland, salt-free foods. But she's not that old and it hasn't been that long. Remember, she was right about Miracle Whip as well. I immediately jumped to the next possible cause -- the government ban on trans fats. I wasn't alone.

"The original version used hydrogenated oils. Could the recent FDA banning of trans fat be the reason these don't match the flavor?" asked one customer on Amazon, to which another replied:

These DO NOT taste the same. I used to love these. Was addicted to them. I know EXACTLY how they used to taste. These taste nothing like the old version. NOTHING. The old style used to have a cheesy buttery type flavor, almost melt in your mouth. These taste like air. Seriously, air. I bought four cans and will eat them but will never buy any more every [sic] again. Planters is passing off fakes to us Cheese [sic] Ball loyalists. Anyone who says these taste the same is not being honest with themselves. Buy a can if you want to but I'm telling you, you will be disappointed.

This is not some conspiracy theory. When Innit looked at the product some years back, they reported the presence of "Partially Hydrogenated Soybean and Cottonseed Oils," which do not appear on the current label. The product does have a number of oils listed, like sunflower and either corn or soybean or canola, but no hydrogenated oils.

In the intervening years the FDA made its big determination on the dangers of those trans fats, saying "In 2015, FDA released its final determination that Partially Hydrogenated Oils (PHOs) are not Generally Recognized as Safe (GRAS)" and insisting on a ban. Health info purveyors like Healthline like to note that "Many manufacturers prefer this oil for its low cost and long shelf life," but trans fats were not present just because evil corporations want to be cheap and kill you. Apparently they also taste better, or convey taste better, in some foods.

So, my wife is disappointed, but maybe it's for the best. And yet, I despise when government agencies are able to issue rules like this rather than Congress, treating us like morons who need to be saved from our own stupid choices. I mean, we may be, but we are adults in a supposedly free nation and ought to be able to make our own choices. No one wants a stroke or heart attack, but no one wants to be talked down to like an idiot child, either. Worse, anything could be declared non-GRAS next, because guess what? Americans are still dying and cardiovascular disease is still the main cause. So what's next? Cheese? Butter? White flour? Bacon? All working toward that happy day when more of us die from cancer than heart attacks.

Next up: The USDA demands the end of early-bird specials for seniors. Have you looked at what they serve in diners? Everything is full of grease and cholesterol. everything is fried and buttered. Sure, they offer salads, but that's just a cover. The FDA prescribes bland, salt-free foods alone. Ban all the things!