Mysterious mysteries of the unknown!

Good evening. Tonight on Mysterious Mysteries of the Unknown, we look into some of the most baffling questions of our day. Can we solve these mysterious mysteries? Or will they remain... Unknown?

QUESTION: Does Walmart really think people will be more willing to buy chicken feet if they are sold as chicken paws? Aren't paws something that cute things like puppies and teddy bears have? Why would you want to eat them? 

It's... MYSTERIOUS!

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QUESTION: How did this Mercedes get smushed in on top? Rollover? Frozen 30-pound turkey dropped off an overpass? Fat guy sat on the roof for a rest? Or the ghost of Frank Nitti?

It's... UNKNOWN!

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QUESTION: Do these kids have a problem with language? Or does this newspaper not know how the English is spoke?

It's... a MYSTERY!

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QUESTION: Is it time to cut the grass? Or does the property manager think
he can wait a few more months? 

It's... an ENIGMA!

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QUESTION: Are these telephone poles hiding secret messages with their numbers?

Are they trying to tell us something? Or trying NOT to tell us something?

It's... A CONUNDRUM!

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QUESTION: Is this chair a clothing? Is it a shoe? Can people just not read?

It's... INSCRUTABLE! 

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QUESTION: What the hell is this thing? Too small for a bed frame--a toddler bed frame?
But why the strange non-foot-like protrusions? Is it a rack for torturing little gnomes? 

Are they trying to dispose of the evidence?

It's... a MINDBOGGLER!

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Join us again next time as we span the globe looking for... MYSTERIOUS MYSTERIES OF THE UNKNOWN!