Baby name update.

We're all waiting for the boys down at U.S. Social Security to compile the lists of top baby names from 2018. I have no idea when they release these things. Fortunately we have the top names of 2017 to keep us interested in the meantime:

1	Liam	Emma
2	Noah	Olivia
3	William	Ava
4	James	Isabella
5	Logan	Sophia
6	Benjamin	Mia
7	Mason	Charlotte
8	Elijah	Amelia
9	Oliver	Evelyn
10	Jacob	Abigail

I shouldn't have to mention that the second column features the top girls' names. But these days, when having a schmeckle is no impediment to being an actual woman, I suppose I ought to. 

I have to say, I'm stunned at the choices that have arisen lately. Wolverine is #5?

When I was a boy, being an Oliver or a Mason was a one-way ticket to Swirleyville on its own. Trust me, it was hard enough to be a Fred. The only Olivers I have ever known were a man in his eighties (if he's still around, he'll be damn near 100) and the unfortunate only child of a creepy dork dad. The less said about Cousin Oliver from The Brady Bunch the better. The only Mason I ever met was younger than that elderly Oliver, but not by much. Where are all these new Masons coming from? Is this a sign that the Freemason conspiracy is on the move?

But Liam has made even greater strides over the years. And it's always nice to see good old Biblical names like Elijah and Ben and Jacob and James populate the list. But how long has it been since John and Joseph were in the top ten?

On the distaff side, I support the strong showing by more mellifluous names like Abigail, Evelyn, Amelia, and the like. All of these are lovely names. You don't have to give a girl a name like Brooklyn or Max or Tank to make her a badass, if that's what you want. She'll get there, or not, on her own. (But you just never know -- a woman I used to work with who grew up as a two-fisted tomboy expected the same of her daughter, but last I heard, that kid wanted nothing but pink dresses and tiaras and unicorns.)

Many names have been popular over the past 100 years and have sunk deep on the lists now. I don't know if I've met a Randy who was born after 1970, although perhaps the name is more popular in the South or West. Terrys, Eugenes, and Vincents are in short supply these days. Martha and Shirley have probably had their day in the sun for a while. And Amazon has probably killed Alexis. 

Sadly, Fred was not on the top 100. I feel betrayed somehow. Worse, the last time I covered this issue, I called on American moms to use great Papal names like Hilarius and Zosimus, but they rejected my idea. Betrayed and ignored.

Names should not just be a popularity contest anyway. Everyone who follows American elections closely has strong feelings about how wrong the American voter can be, and it's easier to get rid of a bad congressman than a bad name.

So here's my idea: To choose America's top baby names, get one baby of each name, put them in a big ring, and the last infant standing is the winner. Sound good?