OreouCH!

I was definitely behind the curve on this one, and here I am several days after the Fourth finally reporting on it. 

Nabisco first released Firework Oreos last year, but I never got around to trying them. I'm not sure that back in those innocent days of 2017 I realized that Nabisco was putting a loaded weapon into the mouths of children here. Look at this thing!

It is an Oreo that is loaded with Pop Rocks. They call it "popping candy" but we know it's Pop Rocks, and we know how those sharp crackles and pops feel in your mouth. More important, the outer cookie doesn't give the game away; it is identical to the normal Oreo chocolate cookie. In other words, people, this is a prank cookie sold by a major corporation.

"Mmm! Oreos!"

"Why don't you eat one? Or five? (heh heh heh)"

"Thanks! Yum yum... May! Mhat the helmm is THIM?"

"Hardy har har!"

Okay, so Pop Rocks are not dangerous, except to say that they actually did blow the doors off a van once. Accidentally. Imagine what they could do on purpose.

Food and Wine magazine reviewed these Oreo Bombs Bursting in Mouths last year, and this was their take: "the general consensus remained that Oreos are darn good alone and popping candy is a just a fun new way to enjoy them even more."

Sez you, Food and Wine! It's time to put these patriotic sandwich cookies to the Fred Test. So under strict laboratory conditions (in chair in front of TV), I ate some. And here's the results:

Meh.

My hopes of having an explosive-centered cookie were dashed. I hardly noticed any pops at all. I guess the filling acts as a silencer. I hate to disagree with Food and Wine, but it just seemed grainy, like someone had gotten some Pecan Sandies too close to the Oreo manufacturing line. It tastes like a normal Oreo, which is great, but you'd never guess it was a Pop Rock center if you didn't know. Prank value dropped precipitously. People magazine gave it a C+, and I agree. Who would have guessed People would do a more precise food review than Food and Wine?

These being July Fourth-centered treats, though, they could salvage their score by passing these five tests:

1) Did they make me feel patriotic?
Sure. Look at the package! 

2) Did they make me think of my (non) ancestor, Francis Scott Key?
Everything does -- the man was a giant. These cookies particularly made me think of the lines, "O thus be it ever when freemen shall stand / Between their lov'd home and the war's desolation!" 

3) Would I take them along to invade Tripoli and capture Derna?
I can't think of a single better cookie to bring along for such an adventure.

4) Did they make me consider the benefits of socialism or did they inspire me to the rugged life of freedom?
Capitalism to create Oreos, freedom to eat it without some busybody from the NIH interfering. You don't see the Brits with their National Health eating these. Ha!

5) Did they make my dentist call and ask what the heck I thought I was doing?
Nope. Don't tell.

So there's my experience with Firework Oreos; your mileage, or rather your explosive strength, may vary. Always happy to hear your experiences with these products. Next time: Dunkin' Fries -- breakfast side dish or elongated Munchkin?