Guy: I'm Guy Fieri and we're rollin' out to find the best, most amazing crummy eateries in America here on Delis, Doughnut Shops, and Dumps!
[opening animation]
Guy: [outside location] Here in Globular, New Mexico, there's not too much shakin' -- except for the barbecue scene! We're here at Grouchy's Barbecue where Old Man Petersen's been kickin' the BBQ old school since 1952!
[interior shot, people chewing]
Blond customer: I can't say enough about the food. It's nearly edible.
Fat customer: [face smeared with sauce] It's safe to say every single person in town has eaten at Grouchy's. Of course, there's only ten people in city limits.
Old fogey customer: I've choked it down many times.
Old fogette customer: Beats starvin'.
Guy: [voice over] The raves about Grouchy's eats just keep comin'! We visited him to see if he'd share the secret of his famous barbecued brisket and gefilte fish sandwich.
[shot of sandwich on bun, pickle on side]
Grouchy: [kitchen interior] No.
Guy: Oh, come on.
Grouchy: Go away.
Guy: Is it true your first name is actually Old Man?
Grouchy: Yeah. My father was Older Man Petersen. My son is Less Old Man Petersen.
Guy: Well, that's.... uh....
Grouchy: Yeah.
Guy: Hm.
Grouchy: Just call me Grouchy.
Guy: Please tell us how you make that bodacious brisket. I'm beggin' ya. There's nothing else to do in this town.
Grouchy: Oh, all right. I start with a brisket of beef like the one I just happen to have here. Then I use my special blend of seasonings. Paprika, oregano, white pepper, red pepper, black pepper, lavender, elk horn, rose hips, Spanish fly, motor oil, and my secret ingredient.
Guy: And that is?
Grouchy: Salt. Then I let it marinate in our special sauce.
Guy: Looks like ketchup.
Grouchy: WHO TOLD YOU?
Guy: Uh, and how long do you let it marinate?
Grouchy: Forty-seven years.
Guy: Well, I guess -- huh?
Grouchy: Here's one -- well, label says 1973, but I guess that's close enough. I'll put it on the rack.
Guy: Whoa.
Grouchy: Then we put it in the smoker for a while.
Guy: For like what, eighty months?
Grouchy: Twenty minutes. You tryin' to kill it?
Guy: What kinda wood do you use in the smoker? Oak, cherry...
Grouchy: Used paneling. Then we cut it up, slop it on a bun with some gefilte fish, chuck on a pickle. Done.
Guy: And do you make your own...
Grouchy: Gefilte fish? Who does that? You ever try to catch a gefilte? Nah, comes out of a jar.
Guy: And the pickle?
Grouchy: Same jar.
Guy: Uh...
Grouchy: Eat it.
Guy: Errhhhrrrr...
Grouchy: Well?
Guy: Pretty bad.
Grouchy: Get out.
[exterior of Guy in car]
Guy: That's all for this week! Maybe forever! I'm off to the infirmary! See you next time on Delis, Doughnut Shops, and Dumps! Maybe!
No comments:
Post a Comment