And every year I fall for the watermelon.
I love watermelon, I really do. But it is the TARDIS of fruit, I swear. You come home with a baby five-pound watermelon and by the time you finish cutting it up you have eighteen pounds, not counting the rind. I don't understand how it works, but I know that if watermelon had more solid nutrition in it, no one would ever starve.
No one's starving at my house, which is why, no matter how small a watermelon I buy, I always wind up throwing some out. Because despite claims that others enjoy the fruit, only I wind up eating it. One normal man can only eat so many pounds of watermelon a day. It’s great but not super versatile. And no one liked the grilled watermelon when I tried it.
I was better positioned to consume the whole fruit before it rotted when we had Tralfaz and Nipper, our previous dogs. Tralfaz liked a nice bowl of cold watermelon on a hot day, but Nipper absolutely adored it. Nipper, mind you, would pick individual blueberries off a treat and spit them out, but he was a devotee to Citrullus lanatus and would tear through a bowl like Sherman through Georgia. Izzy, however, Nipper's actual nephew, spurns fruits and vegetables as much as any dog ever, except for chewing grass like a freaking sheep. Dogs are unpredictable.
Really, if I'm to be so foolish as to buy an entire watermelon again, I ought to enlist the help of "Buffalo" Jim Reeves of Western New York, a professional competitive eater who holds the watermelon-eating record: 13.22 pounds in 15 minutes at an event in 2005. Now, that was some years ago, but I'll bet he still has enough left of his A-game to help me dispose of a petite melon, however large it is inside.
Mark your calendar for National Watermelon Day on August 3. Who knows what magical thing may happen? Maybe Izzy will eat a minuscule chunk of watermelon. Or maybe I'll wise up and stick to blueberries. At least you can make other things from blueberries.
Hmm, I’ll have to see if the terrorists like watermelon. I suspect Hannah will, she eats everything. Bandit, however, has a more discerning palate, at least for a dog.
ReplyDeleterbj13