Fat can.

I repent for my wayward youth, throwing beer cans everywhere, emptying ashtrays at the traffic light, chucking wrappers wherever. The world was my garbage can, and I try to make some small amends now by picking up garbage on my little walks with the dog. Remember the inflatable pool alligator I spotted a few weeks ago? No one ever claimed it, (the house whose front yard it was in has no pool), and it had blown out farther to the curb, so one trash day I picked it up on my way home with the pup and put it in my own can. See ya later, Alligator. 

Tuesday morning, around five a.m., I noticed that my neighbor's trash can had fallen over. It hadn't made a big mess, but it was on its side. Izzy dog wanted no part of it, but I thought it would help the garbage men if I set it upright. I was surprised at how heavy it was -- and was far more surprised when an enormous fat raccoon stirred himself from the depths and jumped out of the can. I let go, and let out a yelp; the raccoon gave himself a shake and went on his way as fast as he could -- which, being big and having just been awakened, was not all that fast. Fortunately Izzy chose not to get involved.

The raccoons I have known have been pure scavengers, peace-loving bandits who only wish to take what they desire and slip away without confrontation, the high-class jewel thieves of the garbage-dining community. Only when rabid do they seek to plant those claws and teeth into others, and then, look out -- you may both be going down. 

About the same time I enjoyed my shocking encounter, this meme swam into my attention:

I know several people who claim that this reflects them. As for me, I am a morning person, and I am not small, and my cuteness is debatable but not probably obvious. However, I do claim some kinship with these little rovers, and I find them much more agreeable than other yard jerks like squirrels, deer, and mice, or even chipmunks. And come on, look at that face. 

All things said, I am a bit partial to raccoons and will try not to surprise any anymore. I will not pick up a downed trash can without giving it a gentle wakeup kick -- rude, but not as rude as the garbage man heaving the can into the back of the truck. And I will always keep a firm lid on my own garbage cans.