News of... the Future!

Friends, I have seen the future and am here to tell you all about it! 

Last night I dreamed I went to the office -- although I haven't been to an office in years -- and by the time I got there I realized that I was now a thousand years in the future! How did it happen? How did I even know it had happened? Beats me. All I knew was that I was in the 3020's. So I decided to continue to the office and see how things had changed. Maybe I still had my job! 

It didn't look like this at all, FYI.

Here's what I found in the far-future city of New York:

1) Everything is bigger. The long-prophesied mile-high skyscrapers apparently came to pass, but I can't say for sure because I could only see them at the bottom levels. They had exceptionally large lower floors to support all the weight, though. So I guess maybe. 

2) Everything still sucks. The old company was still in the same spot. I didn't know how to get in, so I went in the service entrance. The corridors were dirty and the wallpaper was water-stained and peeling. The future is filthy. 

3) The bathrooms are stupid. Apparently our preposterous bathroom issues have metastasized. I asked someone where the can was and was sent into a large room that had merchandise all over, like the floor of a cheap department store. The urinals and whatnot were against the walls in the rear, but good luck finding them. Also, there was no separation of the sexes, but that hadn't become a casual thing -- people seemed annoyed by it and the women were trying to stake out their own territory. Of course some fellow in a dress wanted to use the plumbing on their side even thought his own, er, plumbing was presumably different. I just left.

4) Vending machines are a big deal. But also stupid. I left the building through the front entrance, which was below sidewalk level. There was an enormous spiral walkway that led up to the street. Along that were large vending machines with all kinds of stuff sold in little boxes, but I couldn't read the names on the packages. Maybe the written language had changed that much -- or more likely it is because you can't read in dreams. I thought about getting something to eat, but I had no money -- then realized the thing was busted and I could just take something. Some guy in a suit reached in and grabbed merchandise that had fallen to the bottom. I did too, and I still couldn't figure out what I had. So I put it back.

And that was about when I woke up, because indeed, I had to use the can. 

So, as you can see, my dream visit to the future was kind of a waste of time. Pretty typical for my forays while slumbering -- I never get anywhere and I just get stressed out. 

I'm basically an idiot in my dreams. Maybe even in real life!