TP thoughts.

It's hard to believe that it's been just over three years since we were ready to play Street Fighter IRL over toilet paper. Harder for me to believe so much time has passed, in a way, because I'm doing the same dumb stuff, working in the same dumb place (home), as three years ago. The main changes have been my age and the new dog.

I'm glad TP isn't such a tissue issue these days. I've never trusted hinder-minding methods preferred by those in other nations, except maybe the six-thousand-dollar Japanese wonder toilets, but I'd have to sell a lot more books before I'd entertain the idea of getting one of those. As I noted on the Great Lileks's comments when the topic came up, for six grand I want to be able to ride it down the highway like a GTO. Can you imagine sitting at the light, revving the toilet, making challenging glares at the other guys, smiles and nods at the ladies?

Burnin' rubber? Well, burnin' something, I guess.

I'll stick to good ol' toilet paper, thanks. It's interesting to note that the inventor of toilet paper, Joseph Gayetty, probably thought he would hit it big in 1857 when indoor plumbing started to take off. But he sold the product in sheets, which was indiscreet, as indeed was the whole business model, if you will. At a time when the nation's streets were covered in horse manure, no one wanted to discuss the necessary mode of removing human manure. 

Besides, you could just use the old catalogs and newspapers. 

That changed with the Scott brothers of Philadelphia in 1879. They had the genius idea to put the TP on a roll. That helped it be available but not obtrusive. Their advertising of those early years also appealed to the more refined sensibilities of the purchasers. 

1910 advertisement

Nowadays, Scott could advertise itself as cheap-ass toilet paper for your cheap ass. I mean, it's not the 220-grit butt-sander paper that a lot of company restrooms use, but it's been a bargain brand as long as I can remember. Yet they've always been tasteful, celebrating the economy of Scott tissue and, lately, the fact that they don't put a cardboard tube in the middle anymore. Saving the environment, one roll at a time.

Other advertisers are far from discreet today. Cottonelle has raised some eyebrows with its distasteful ads that make the Charmin bears -- who apparently do indeed defecate in the woods -- look like 1880s French perfume ads. It's probably the worst ad I've ever seen.

What the hell is Kimberly-Clark thinking? Why would a company want to make people think of something that repellant when they think of its brand? I know it's considered better to be shocking than ignored, but is it better to be hated? 

Oh, well. The era gets dumber, so the ads must get coarser. The more PhDs we have, the less we know. Our social leaders want us to eat bugs, walk everywhere, and use appliances that can't clean anything, so it's all of a piece. 

Better tell the horses that we may need them to start pulling wagons again.