The rules of sarcasm.

A while ago I heard an acquaintance I'll call Dave tell a group that he and his wife have an agreement -- they never use sarcasm on each other. Calling it the anger of cowards, he said it was one of a few little rules that makes their marriage work. 

I thought that was a pretty good idea. I wouldn't ever advise a married couple to come up with a list of a hundred-odd rules they each MUST follow, but a couple of simple ones to keep the peace can certainly help. That didn't seem too onerous. 

I asked a mutual friend about it, a guy who's been married longer than either Dave or I have been, and he assured me that without sarcasm it "would be like everyone had taken a fucking vow of silence" in his house. 

Sarcasm is a kind of irony, a means of saying the opposite of what you're actually saying. That's why it's so mean. The word sarcasm itself is interesting, as Dave also pointed out. For a mode of expression so well known and so long used, its origin is a bit mysterious. Here's what Merriam-Webster has to say:

earlier sarcasmus, borrowed from Middle French or Late Latin; Middle French sarcasme, borrowed from Late Latin sarcasmos "mockery," borrowed from Late Greek sarkasmós, from Greek sarkázein "to jeer at while biting the lips" (in GALEN; perhaps, if the original sense was "to bite or strip off flesh," derivative of sark-, sárx "flesh") + -smos, suffix of verbal action — more at SARCO-

NOTE: The original sense of the Greek verb sarkázein is conjectural, as all instances referring to jeering or mockery come from late or post-classical sources, generally lexica. The sole significant early uses are in Aristophanes' play Peace, where the Megarians, while pulling boulders from the entrance to a cave, are described as performing the action of the verb sarkázein "like mean (?) curs," while perishing from hunger ("hoi Megarês … hélkousin d' hómōs glischrótata sarkázontes hṓsper kynídia"); and in the Hippocratic treatise "On Joints" (Perì Arthrôn), where the verb is used to describe hoofed animals eating grass. In both cases the interpretation of sarkázein is far from transparent.

"To bite or strip off flesh" -- ouch! That certainly shows the cruel edge to the concept. 

My wife and I don't usually get involved in trading sarcastic barbs with each other, and when we do, she is entirely to blame. No, that's not true, but as she was a female teenager at one time, she's a past master at the art form. However, when sarcasm does pop up, regardless of who unleashes it, it doesn't last long -- because a regular fight breaks out quickly. 

Of course, I would never be sarcastic in any way on this blog. I'm always sincere when I compliment someone, and wouldn't dream of using snark to torpedo a target, no matter how worthy. I'm just a regular living saint, am I.