I'm a morning person, have been since I became a grown-up. No matter how tired I am, or desperate I may be for a nap later, I gotta get up early. And if I'm up, puppy Izzy iz too. And then we have to go explore. Surfin' Sniffari!
This time of year is the worst. Strange things lurk in the darkness of the morning. Weird, grunting beasts with no name, no language, no tongue known to man. Of course, I'm referring to the teenagers stumbling out of the house for the early bus. On our walks during the day, every kid up to age 13 wants to say hi to the dog, or just look at him; teenagers are surly and don't want anything to do with anything. Black hoodies up, faces shrouded in gloom, they slump off to the corner.
In the dark, everything looks like a potential menace. Or perhaps something weird, or perverse. Like, I'm pretty sure I saw these shrubs in the original Wicker Man movie:
What foul monsters lie behind these suburban doors?
Fortunately I have my trusty guard dog with me. He's very brave. Pretty brave. Well, not that brave. Kind of brave. He stood by me through it all, and then got scared of the garbage can back at our own house.
(Note: Unlike our late friend Nipper, Izzy is not scared of all garbage cans; in fact, I have no idea why he panicked that morning upon seeing our recycling bin and nearly took my hand off, bolting for the porch. What goes on in their heads? Anything? HELLLLLO!)
So, what's to do? Well, I comfort myself with the knowledge that the days are getting longer, 30 seconds or so at a time. And I remind myself that the stuff out there really isn't too scary. I always have a flashlight for such dark excursions to ward off bears and the like, and so far all has been well.
In fact, none of that was really too scary at all, compared to what was waiting for me INSIDE THE HOUSE . . .
Later that morning . . .
When I opened . . .
. . . THE GAS BILL!!!!!!!
😱😱😱😱😱😱
AAIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment