Elf evaluation.

Don't judge me! There's a reason this wound up in my house, and consequently in my mouth. It wasn't intended, although I can't claim it was an accident, either. 

What happened was, I was at the checkout when I realized we were out of cereal. Right nearby was a wall full of Elf on the Shelf cereals by Kellogg's. I either had to give up my spot in line, get home with no cereal to show for it, or grab a box and hope for the best. And here we are. 

Kellogg's Elf on the Shelf cereal comes in three varieties: Hot Cocoa, Sugar Cookie, and North Pole Snow Creme, all with marshmallows. Precious few marshmallows and small. 

Why did I get the Snow Creme variety? Oh, who knows. Maybe it was the closest on the display? Nah, probably racism. Or maybe I wanted to know what the hell Snow Creme tastes like. I know what cocoa and sugar cookies taste like, but snow creme? YELLOW snow creme? (And green?)

Plus, what's this about it "magically" cooling your mouth as you eat? Got to see what that's all about. You seldom get an endothermic reaction from breakfast foods. 

The Web site says, "A flurry of frosted star pieces and mini marshmallows, each spoonful will remind you of creamy vanilla ice cream. It’s like taking a bite out of a sweet and tasty snowball!" Okay, well, I wouldn't have known it was supposed to taste like vanilla ice cream if they hadn't mentioned it; dry, the cereal tasted weird, like some alien simulacrum of vanilla. Milk helped bring out the ice-creamy flavor, but it was still a close call. I guess it might be considered a sweet and tasty snowball experience, except that 1) such a thing does not exist and 2) there was no detectable cooling of my mouth involved. 

I give this one a D -- just barely edible, so not a total failure. Mr. Breakfast's Cereal Project profiled the original sugar cookie variety, but didn't review it. It has its fans. The project hasn't caught up to this snowball variety yet. 

As for the Elf on the Shelf itself, I've never liked that little creep. It was introduced as "A Christmas Tradition" in 2005, albeit a funny kind of tradition that no one had ever heard of. Even the pickle on the tree has some genuine roots. But the smarmy elf snitch is just there to terrify children into behavior. 

Actually, that part is not the part that annoys me -- a parent gotta do what a parent gotta do, and 99% of the time a mom or dad giving a kid a good healthy scare saves them from getting into far scarier trouble down the road. 

The part that annoys me is the sneaky look on the little bastard's face. Oooooh, well, I'ma have to tell Santa, more in sorrow than anger. Oh, shut up, you little creep. You love your work.  

I'll leave you today with a thumbs-down to Kellogg's and a thumbs-up to whoever did this: