Crypts and Cryptos: Or, Death and Taxes.

Greetings, friends! It is I, Fred Key, your friendly neighborhood cryptocurrency tycoon, with another exciting update about Fredcoin, the Crypto for the Smart Set!

I know what's concerning you, my clients and prospective clients. I always have my ear to the ground. I was taught early on that keeping your ear to the ground means money. And sure enough, I got up and there was a nickel stuck in my ear. 

This is a nickel that has seen things.

But that's not important. The thing is, you're worried about taxes on your cryptocurrency earnings. And you have reason to be. As reported on Monday in the New York Post, the only American newspaper with any integrity, the Internal Revenue Service is stepping up efforts to collect earnings on cryptos:  

The Internal Revenue Service is going to court to get its hands on cryptocurrency transaction records as part of its continuing efforts to collect more taxes from Americans who fail to report profits from digital coin trades.

Federal prosecutors in Manhattan announced that they had successfully obtained a court order allowing the IRS to obtain information from M.Y. Safra Bank about American taxpayers who did not disclose crypto-related income.

Your first instinct may be to feel alarmed. Or perhaps to take a deep breath and let the calmness slide over you. Or to stick your head in a bucket of sand. I say thee Nay! None of these are necessary. I can assure you that none of this will affect Fredcoin dealers and traders this year.

"Why Fred," you ask, "how can you possibly know this? Our institutions have gone insane, prosecuting people for political thought and freeing people for violent action. Who knows what the IRS will do?"

You see, friend, there's a magic word in that story I quoted that should put your mind at ease. And that word is: profits. Fredcoin customers haven't had to worry about any profits! In fact, that other word, income, is further assurance that there is "no problemo," as they've had none of that stuff either. See? As they say, Mo' money, mo' problems; no' money, no' problems!

So just take it easy and put more of your money in Fredcoin, where the IRS won't have any reason to look. 

Fredcoin! It's the ultimate tax shelter!