Bay-B-Bol.

My wife likes murder shows on TV, because apparently women do, but also other real-life crisis programs. She was watching one the other night that related the story of a woman who had gone into labor, been sent home by the hospital because she was far from ready to give birth, and then had the baby while sitting on the toilet. The newborn landed right in the bowl. The adventure followed the 911 call and its aftermath (spoiler: mom and baby were fine).

She did get a strange
baby brush, however.

Naturally, I have some thoughts on this.

1) What a way to meet life for the first time. Your initial experience of the world is landing in the toilet. The same can be said for poop. It sounds like the start of a Johnny Cash song that would have been too sad even for him. 

2) The temptation to name the baby something like Kohler, or Moen, or American Standardia may have been strong. 

3) The umbilical cord got tangled in the toilet seat, which is a second good argument right there to use those U-shaped seats. (The first good argument is for alcoholics who are sick of getting hit in the back of the neck.)

4) The baby girl reportedly had a two-year-old sibling. We all know what that means. Mom may swear the older child not to tell anyone about Moen's unorthodox birth, but all it will take is for the younger kid to annoy the older kid once, and it will be all over school. By the three-o'clock whistle they'll all be calling her Scrubbing Bubble. 

5) Mom's probably got a case for a lawsuit against the hospital. 

6) The baby will be one kid who can't be threatened with a swirly. "Ha! Been there, done that."

So there are my thoughts, and I'm sure you have some as well. Enlighten us in the comments, and be flushed with satisfaction.