Florida has got an unfair reputation as a state of insanity for two main reasons -- the 2000 presidential election and the so-called "sunshine laws" that grant "free public access to Florida's government documents and proceedings, minus some exemptions. Among the allowed documents are police arrest records," as Linda Barry in the Pensacola News Journal wrote. So Al Gore's legal challenge and one county's "butterfly ballot" caused problem one, and open books on arrest records caused problem two. All 49 other states probably have people who get drunk and try to get away from the cops on Walmart scooters, or take so much meth that they strip down and prance through the street claiming to be an unbaked potato--but we just never hear about it.
It's unfair!
I say Florida is the crazy state for completely different and totally fair reasons.
1) It's different everywhere you go.
From Cuban/LGBTQLSMFT Miami to gator-hunting Everglades to redneck panhandle to Theme Park City to God's Waiting Room to college towns and NASCAR (four hours from Tallahassee) to spring-break hootchie mamas, every place you go in the state is totally different from the last place you were. It has a whole town just dedicated to people fifty-five and older, the Villages, which like many other Floridian spots is full of New Yorkers.
An acquaintance of mine who retired to the Villages told me about the singles nights at the bar, and it scared me silly. I am determined to become a hermit if my wife goes before I do.
2) It probably has more invasive species than any other state.
Just ask the Seminoles! And there are the nonhuman invaders, such as kudzu and Burmese pythons and cane toads and monitor lizards and alligator weed and Chinese tallow and blue tilapia and on and on, including everyone's favorite, frozen falling iguanas.
3) It's Southern, but it's not.
It's full of northerners, some of the most irritating we can send, but they bring their retirement funds with them. It was a Confederate state and a segregated state. It's an agricultural state that is also a major tourist destination, like California, but unlike California it has basically only one climate. It's on the mainland of the United States, but just sort of hangs on by the top, like a teenager trying to get out of the house. It's the only Gulf state that's also an ocean state. It has plenty of hunting (including a bounty on those Burmese pythons) and other rural pursuits, but also its own string of Caribbean islands. Historically, culturally, and geographically, it's its own little world.
So you see, Florida Man is not what makes Florida strange. Florida is strange already. I invite anyone who lives there to tell me different, but I have a feeling they will mostly tell me that things are even stranger than I think they are. Be my guest!
My old pal PJ used to call Miami "the capital of South America". Whenever any big bucks types from south of the border had to do a big business deal, they'd conduct their shenanigans through Miami banks and lawyers. Airports like West Palm Beach, Fort Lauderdale, and Miami International are rife with the comings and goings of S.A. bizjets. All finished in rich Corinthian leather, no doubt.
ReplyDeleteMy wife was born in Miami. But she hates hot weather, and never wants to go anywhere that has a climate like Florida. Her parents were lifelong Pittsburghers. They got married, got pregnant, and her father got a job with NASA, hence the move. (The government threatened to draft him and send him to Vietnam if he didn't take the job.) Baby was born soon thereafter, then he got laid off and had to move back home. She spent fewer than six months of her life there, the first six months, but it was enough time for at least one stranger to walk over and offer money for the baby.
ReplyDeleteSo yes, Florida is weird, and always has been. Even weirder is, why was NASA laying off employees in 1970? We were going to the moon then. NASA needed people!