Wednesday, May 18, 2022

Hailstones the size of kumquats.

Monday turned into a dark and stormy afternoon. 

stormy sky


Suddenly, a shot rang out! 

No, that's not right. What happened was, we were warned that there might be strong winds, and hailstones up to 1" in diameter. Which is great if you own a Safelite franchise, but not too good for the rest of us. Later the hail forecast was revised down to maybe hail the size of peas, but as it turned out we just got wind and heavy rain. All gone in three hours. 

But I have to say: What is wrong with these people? Don't they know that meteorological phenomena are supposed to be compared to sporting equipment? It's tumors that get compared to fruits and vegetables. 

I've seen that remark elsewhere, but I am dead certain I first heard the observation out of George Carlin, then America's foremost observer of cultural language oddities, speaking with Don Imus on the latter's radio show. Carlin also noted how bizarre it would be if things got mixed up, like if the forecast called for hailstones the size of testicles. I think we can agree that would get our attention, though.

I have found that this observation holds true almost 100% of the time. People mentioning their operations say that the tumor or cyst of whatever that was removed was the size of a grape, an orange, a grapefruit, etc. But hailstones, which really are the only meteorological items that fit, come in sizes such as golf ball, baseball, and so on. 

This does put our local forecaster in a spot, though, because what sporting good is the size of a pea? What could he have told us Monday? Hailstones the size of the top of a golf tee? That doesn't do it. Sadly, small hailstones defy the common naming conventions. 

If you have any ideas for other small sizes in which hailstones may occur, please note them in comments. As for me, the day it's raining watermelons is the day I hide in church and wait for Jesus to come back.  



6 comments:

  1. That Carlin joke about hailing testicles made me LOL.

    That usually only happens at Chippendale's.

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  2. You never hear someone say "I went to the miniature golf course yesterday and they had golf balls the size of hailstones!"

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  3. Hail about the size of #10 buckshot? Beebees?

    I suppose these are no longer in the common cultural reference bank.

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  4. Bicycle ball bearings?

    No, nobody takes their bikes apart anymore ...

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  5. "Hailstones the size of Trix cereal"

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