Pizza wars.

Since we moved up to the Hudson Valley, the population of our little town has grown steadily, but the number of pizza places has remained roughly the same. We lost a Pizza Hut (if "lost" is the term I want) as well another older place, and two more opened and closed in that time. An Italian place with brick oven pizzas opened, though, and the Blockbuster is now another pizza place. Dominos moved, but won't go away. Five others have held steady during that same period, becoming neither better nor worse and remaining in business. Some have never been all that great. I guess it's proof that, as the saying goes, sex is like pizza; even when it's bad it's pretty good.

What I'm saying is, I see an opportunity here. And yes, I mean the pizza, not the sex.

The thing I've learned is that bad pizza can thrive even in a good-pizza environment with one thing: advertising. So when I take my Fredcoin profits and open my pizza place, we're going right on TV and telling everyone how great the place is. Even though I am pretty poor at making pizza, we're doing that. 

Hey, paisan! It'sa me, Fredo, of Fredo's pizza parlor! Come on down and have a nicea slice of pizza. You love it! You tell everyone how great Fredo's pizza is! Looky here -- crust so nice ana soft you could sleep on it, but so firm you'd appoint it to the Supremo Court! Cheese, lots and lots, however mucha you want! And the sauce! It'sa to die for! Or maybe it'sa to die from. Either way, you never eat another sauce ina you life!

You want toppings? We gotta da toppings! Pepperoni, sausage, meataballs, little fishies! Mushroom, garlic, onions, olives! Artichokes, roasted red pepper, scungilli! Broccoli, pine nuts, Cheez Wiz, soppressata, chocolatea sauce! Just no pineapple. You aska for pineapple, we sticka you head ina da toilet.

And we gotta more! Homemade pasta! Well, someone made it, maybe at home. Also: Lasagna! Fettucine! Octopus! Mussels manicotti! Clams casino! Oysters soprano! Crab basso profundo! Antipasto, propasto, we no takea sides! Chicken cacciatore! Veal parmigiana! Turkey tetrazzini! Goat oreganata! Squishy things fried ina oil! We're not sure what. Don't ask, justa mangia! You tried da resta, now try da besta!

Remember, at Fredo's, you likea the food so much, you wanna throw it up so you can eat it again! 

On Route 17A, next to Charlie's Mow & Plow