Return of Fredcoin!

Yes, friends, it's another plug for everyone's favorite cryptocurrency, Fredcoin! 

It's occurred to me that some of you out there in the virtual world still haven't invested your worthless U.S. dollars in rock-solid Fredcoin, and I wonder why. If you find yourself unaccountably reluctant, just look at this notarized list of 15 reasons to put your money in Fredcoin, and I'm sure you will come around. 

1. At Fredcoin, we never fight about whether someone on the bill fought Indians or owned slaves or otherized the bi-gendered in the Gilded Age. We just put Fred on all the documentation and ignore all that trouble. 

2. You can cash in your Fredcoin for S&H Green Stamps anytime you like. 

3. Fredcoin has 25% of your daily requirement of magnesium. 

4. You can't be suckered into losing your Fredcoin in a pachinko machine. 

5. Unlike other crypto guys, I will never forget the password that keeps Fredcoin secure. It's PASSWORD. Isn't that clever?

6. Fredcoin can be used to treat lumbago and has few side effects. 

7. On St. Patrick's Day, ask your bartender if he takes O'Fredcoin, our special issue for the holiday!

8. The word Fredcoin has only eight letters and two syllables. 

9. We're on track to make Fredcoin the first cryptocurrency on the moon!

10. Congress is printing money like crazy people, but not Fredcoin! Who would you rather trust, our insane Congress or ol' reliable Fred?

11. We expect to nail down our sponsorship of the Fredapalooza Festival this year, featuring great acts like the Flangepart Five, Hookers & Lookers, and Smiley Jim and His Magic Accordion. 

12. Wombats prefer Fredcoin two-to-one over regular money.

13. Bitcoin is common as dirt. Fredcoin is for the rarified smart set.

14. Fredcoin is available in Regular and Menthol.

15.  Chuck Norris's birth name is Fred Nioc, which you'll notice is Fredcoin spelled sideways, sort of.

So make Fredcoin part of your complete breakfast!

Finally, a friendly reminder that Daylight Savings Time has begun, so it's time to set those clocks ahead one hour! It's easier to push them forward one hour than to go all around the dial to push them back an hour. It's the only place in life where it's easier to spring forward than to fall behind.