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TeamUSA -- Following the success of the one-woman bobsled called the monobob in the 2022 Beijing Olympics, the International Olympic Committee is excited to introduce a new version of the bobsled for the 2026 Cortina d'Ampezzo Games: The dodecabob, or twelve-man bobsled.

"The dodecabob, she's-a fantastico!" says Italian Olympic Games Coordinator Ethnico Stereotipo. "You getta buncha da guys, they pusha de pusha, she go-a realla fast. Denna dey alla jump in, bing bang budda boom! One aftera anoddah, and whoosh! She go-a realla speedy, you bet!"

TeamUSA Winter Sports Coach Brace Neckman did admit that the new twelve-athlete event presents some interesting challenges. "First, you have to get twelve idiots to leap into the thing in half a second. In practice sessions I saw a German team leave seven dummies just standing there while the other six took off. That kind of stuff won't fly in competition. Second, because the host country isn't going to build another, straighter bobsled trail just for the dodecabob, the length of the thing requires a hinged middle to help it bend. That means two athletes have to steer, one in the back, like those big hook and ladder trucks. And third, you get twelve knuckleheads in there, that's over a ton of meat flying down the ice, not to mention the weight of the sled itself. So, so far we haven't managed to get one to the finish line upright or intact, or actually on the track, but we're getting closer."

The IOC reports that ROC, the Russian Olympic Team Not Affiliated With Cheating Russia, is excited about the new sport, and expects to bring home some metal in the sport in Italy. The Swiss have shown great interest as well, noting that there are a lot of leftover athletes after they decide on representation for other sports, and this will give them something to do. 

Others are a bit more skeptical. One coach from the Jamaican Olympic Wailers said off the record that no one on his squad "could smoke enough to make dot look good. Mon." 

But there's always keen anticipation around a new Olympic sport, and the dodecabob is no different. "Dis-a sport, she gonna be de biggest thinga since sliced spumoni!" says Stereotipo. "Just likea dat-a ballrooma dancing on-a roller skates inna da Paris 2024 Games, everyone will-a wanna tune inna!" 

Neckman agreed, saying, "It's a whole lot of bobs, but I'm sure the IOC knows what they're doing. Don't they always?"