Rejection.

Dear Author:

Thank you for writing about your project. Here at Schnorbis Lit, we love to see exciting new works from exciting new authors. 

Unfortunately we are unable to entertain your request for representation. This is likely because your novel failed to meet one of the crucial criteria for new fiction as noted below.

✔ All books must feature a main badass female character whom all the good people like and who is never wrong. 

✔ All characters must fall within the range of 50-100 percent POC.

✔ At least 25 percent of characters must be LGBTQIA2s+.

✔ Any mention of a writer of English of the past should mention that the person was either A) a dead straight white male or B) a badass (everyone else).

✔ Any mention of the United States must include descriptors such as "racist" and "genocidal."

✔ Romantic elements in a plot are understandable within reason but should not compromise the badassery of any female or POC characters.

✔ All characters must declare their pronouns.

✔ Protagonists in fantasy, historical, or science fiction books must maintain the proper attitudes and beliefs of correct persons c. 2021. These may be changed up to and including galley stage if such attitudes and beliefs require adjusting.

✔ If a book with a mystery element features any straight white male or males, that person(s) is/are automatically guilty. 

✔ Trigger warnings must be included for violence, unwanted sexual behavior, attitudes of racism, sexism, mansplaining, evangelism, homophobia, xenophobia, transphobia, paganophobia, ailurophobia, and carnivorous behavior.  

Please do not be discouraged, but also do not bother writing to any other agencies, You will find that these rules apply to all agents and publishing houses nowadays, except for a few knuckle-draggers who publish books with men toting big phallic guns on the covers. 

Good luck (and you will need it),

Adeline Schnorbis (they/them)