All alone, dressed like a lunatic.

And MERRRRY CHRISTMAS! 

With the return of the Chinese Death Virus restrictions, we can bet that Halloween and Thanksgiving won't be the only holidays ruined by the local authorities. Already the commercials with happy people enjoying Thanksgiving connected only by iPad are flooding the TV, and if they're so happy in TV land, I'm sure everyone will be thrilled to give up Christmas with their loved ones as well. 

But don't worry about going crazy from cabin fever as winter approaches! Target, ever the thoughtful retailer, is making sure that everyone can look like a lunatic as well as feel like one. Here's some samples I photographed in the men's department the other day -- and you can bet the women's and children's departments are at least as scary.   

Target's going all-in on the movie Elf this year. There are bedsheets and yard decorations and DVDs and all manner of T-shirts, and I think I saw a board game. There is also this ugly sweater, and if you want to see the whole thing (including the even worse back of it), I direct you to the site. I found the 2003 film to be one of more more endurable Will Ferrell excursions, although I think they portrayed the North Pole more accurately than they did the publishing business. Written by a cotton-headed ninny muggins.

The thing that bothers me most about this shirt is not the cats, not the fact that it has a sound chip of the cats singing, not the lousy pun, but the fact that it's a men's shirt. This is for crazy cat ladies only, in my opinion. Don't fall for this, men! I don't care how many cats you have or how much you love them, this is not for you!

Now, this nifty suit, from the David S. Pumpkins school of classiness, is just awesome...ly bad. Bright green with cartoon Santa heads, it just yowls CHRISTMAS. The cheap material is about as cheesy as you might expect. And these things never come in a good size for me!

To be fair to Target, and men who might want this stuff, they and the things like them are supposed to be ugly. The Ugly Sweater fad has moved on to shirts and sweatshirts and suits now, and God knows if it will ever end. 

But maybe this Christmas will kill it. As I noted in the header, we'll probably be told by our betters to shelter in place for Christmas, and the only thing sillier than a grown man dressing like this will be him doing it by himself alone at home. 

I say, if you got it, flaunt it -- if you must buy something like this, get a matching face mask and do the town. Go caroling! Go wassailing -- whatever that is. And if your governor objects, throw a snowball at his window, tell him Merry Christmas, and then tell him to go kiss a reindeer butt. Ho ho ho.