Saturday, August 1, 2020

Who ordered the cicadas?

The running joke that Anno Domini 2020 has an endless supply of crappy things has been running for half a year or more, but in truth it does seem to be a little extra crappy on top of the better-known crappiness. For example, we now have a hurricane creeping toward us here in New York, there was a particularly bad cloud of flying ants over England, a giant UFO has been seen near the sun, dust from the Sahara blew all the way to Puerto Rico, five asteroids are coming our way, and Africa has seen a terrible outbreak of locusts.

And look what I got!


Giant cicadas are not supposed to be on the menu in New York this year, and yet this one popped up at my house. Granted, he was dead, but that's beside the point. What's he doing aboveground? Was he kicked out of the hole by disgruntled roommates? Did he die of Chinese Death Virus? Are the others all going to burst out ahead of schedule for no other reason than everything is going to hell? Oy vey, what a year.

On a more personal note, I was lost in thoughts yesterday morning on the way back from taking up the trash, and I managed to put only half of my foot on the paver. The other half went sideways off the paver, and I fell like a sack o' crap. Fittingly, I was on my way to put a new trash liner in the backyard bucket in which I keep the dog crap between pickups.

So I twisted my right ankle, and skinned my left knee. Fortunately I rolled when I hit the turf, so I didn't crash on my previously injured back. But come on -- the way I've been falling these past couple of years, this is terrible training for my old age. Should I just get myself the Life Alert now?

I guess I'll survive. This is the first knee scrape I've had in decades, and they're as much fun as they were when I was a kid, only now it's me causing the pain and not Mom. I took a palmful of hand sanitizer and warned myself, "This is gonna hurt," and it did. Then I gauzed it and taped it, saying, "No more Evel Knievel stuff on your Krazy Kar, young man!" The sprained ankle could be walked on and got the usual RICE treatment all day Friday -- rest, ice, compression, elevation. Much better today.

Part of my problem is I get absentminded. I ought to have invented Flubber by now. But what was I thinking about, you may wonder, when I failed to pay attention to where I was stepping?

I was thinking, "What fresh hell is August going to bring?"

UPDATE: Hey, guess what? ZOMBIE CICADAS!
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6 comments:

  1. Mongo919August 1, 2020 at 7:31 AM

    Speaking from personal experience, I think the falling thing may be (at least somewhat) attributed to taking everyday minor activities like walking or navigating stairs for granted.

    After doing stuff like that for many decades, it's hard to adapt to the notion that you now ought to think in advance about such mundane activities a little more than once was required.

    Glad your back wasn't wrecked!

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  2. peacelovewoodstockAugust 1, 2020 at 8:15 AM

    Mongo919> ... taking everyday minor activities ... for granted

    Like getting out of bed in the middle of the night to visit the convenience .. but somehow one leg is still asleep so you come down hard on your tailbone.

    Four weeks later, it still hurts like h-e-double toothpicks. Literally cannot sit in a lazy boy for more than ten minutes. Leaning forward is a relief, but that's no way to binge-watch "Zero Zero Zero".

    On Amazon Prime if you have it. If you liked "Narcos", you'll love "Zero Zero Zero".


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  3. rafAugust 1, 2020 at 11:04 AM

    I wanted to check the 'funny' box but didn't want to seem like I was laughing at your pain. But, oh, how I can relate!

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  4. bgbearAugust 1, 2020 at 5:31 PM

    Suddenly I do not feel so old. Thanks guys. ;-)

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  5. StiivAugust 1, 2020 at 9:04 PM

    I've said it before, but it's relevant to today's post:

    "No one can physically hurt me better than me."

    Where's the damned Bactine? ;>

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  6. FredKeyAugust 2, 2020 at 10:29 AM

    Bactine? NOOOO, MOM! (Although I admit it smelled nice.)

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