The other day I was expected at an appointment in a nearby town, and as soon as I left the house it looked like I was going to be late. The problem was that our town is still recovering from the effects of Tuesday's tropical storm, so it seemed like every way I pointed the car, I wound up facing a road that had been closed.
I hate to be late.
As I tooled around, a spark of inspiration struck, and I began to sing this song. I figure it as a jazzy little number, but it would work well with early rock or country too.
"Everything Is a Pain in the Ass"
by Frederick Key
Who Knows All About It
Everything is a pain in the ass
Every little thing is a pain in the ass
Ol' Daddy used to say as he signaled to pass
"Everything is a pain in the ass"
Car won't start 'cause the battery is dead
Now you're late so you take the bus instead
Waiting at the stop and it starts to rain
You know what it is and where's the pain
Everything is a pain in the ass
Every single thing is a pain in the ass
The story of our lives on this side of the grass
Everything is a pain in the ass
You get to work late and the boss isn't glad
The coffee cup leaks and you start to feel mad
Everybody dumps all their projects on you
You want to explode, but what can you do?
Everything is a pain in the ass
Every blessed thing is a pain in the ass
The teacher used to say as she turned to face the class
"Every one of you is a pain in the ass"
[spoken] All right, everybody, put your hands together! Keep the beat! Try not to suck at it, people! And now tell me what you think of these!
The guy who lives next door?
[crowd] He's a pain in the ass!
The checkout at the store?
It's a pain in the ass!
The boss on the job?
He's a pain in the ass!
Your daughter's boyfriend slob?
What a pain in the ass!
The traffic on the street?
It's a pain in the ass!
The bunion on your feet?
Sorta pain in the ass!
The bill that's in your mail?
What a pain in the ass!
The numbers on your scale?
Such a pain in the ass!
That's right!
Everything is a pain in the ass
Every bleeding thing is a pain in the ass
Nothing really works and it's all broken glass
Everything is a pain in the ass!
I think it's a peppy little song, a tune for our times. I'm pretty sure I've stolen the melody that was in my mind; when I was a dopey teen and tried to write songs I inevitably did that, to my chagrin. I have no knack for music. But such awesome lyrics!
I'll have more to say on this topic tomorrow, regarding the spiritual component of krexing and moaning. Doesn't that sound enticing? Or is it just a you-know-what?
Copied it, pasted it into a text file, will work on it the next time I'm playing the guitar. Yes, that's a threat.
ReplyDeleteLet's take that frown and turn it upside down Mr Key. Look for the silver lining. Remember that ant. Don't worry be happy. Whistle a happy tune.
ReplyDeleteStiiv, this could be the start of something big! I'd better not cheer up, BG -- could mean money!
ReplyDelete