Fred's Book Club: Dog Days.

Welcome to another entry in our famously dumb book club, the Humpback Writers, famous for its dumb name (because it runs on Wednesday, a.k.a. Hump Day), not because of its dumb books. Although some might be dumb.

Not today's book, though! In fact, this book is smart! It's the readers like me who are Complete Idiots!

The book, sitting in Nipper's crate for his nighttime reading pleasure. 

Yes, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Puppies was a book purchased by my wife and me prior to our getting senior varsity dog Tralfaz more than six years ago. He was going to be the first dog we ever raised from puppyhood, and my first dog ever, so we wanted to flatten the curve -- the learning curve, that is.

I think in this case we got the Complete Idiot book instead of the Dummies version because the former was published first. Both series are dedicated to practical enlightenment on every topic under the sun. The Dummies series by IDG Books was founded in 1991 with DOS for Dummies, and the Complete Idiot series began shortly thereafter. As Jocelyn McClurg put it in the Hartford Courant in 1997, "Who'd have thought you could make a fortune calling your reader an idiot or a dummy?" But indeed, millions of these books have been sold. I've heard that both publishers work in Indianapolis, not usually considered a hotbed of publishing, and presumably scowl at each other on the street.

Anyway: On to the book! As usual with the Complete Idiot's guides, this paperback is jammed with information and helpful tips laid out in a playful, easy to digest format. Everything you need to know about the subject is covered in a well-organized way. What kind of dog is right for your family? What will you need to have when you bring Puppy home? How can you train him to evacuate outside / not chew the dining room set / sit and stay? What should you feed him? What toys are appropriate for baby dogs? You got questions, Complete Idiot? They got answers.

This book was written by M.A. Gorman, a professional dog trainer for law enforcement agencies, so she knows her pups. Let's dip into the text and see how it matches my experience, raising Tralfaz and junior varsity dog Nipper.

Crate Training for Sanity  

Dogs like small, enclosed spaces because of the security it offers them. Crating is not jailing your dog, and the crate should never be used for punishment. Instead, it draws on your dog's preference for small spaces and allows you an extra measure of control. Practice preventive training -- putting your dog in the crate when you aren't around will help you set boundaries.

This was 100 percent right for Nipper. At the age of four he still goes to sleep in a crate at night, and trusts that if he has any problems we will be there for him. Tralfaz, on the other hand, from day one behaved as if the crate was a jail, and since he had no dime to call a lawyer would just howl so the lawyer could hear him. He never took to it, never gave us a night's peace while he was in it. He likes to act like a night watchman, getting up and moving to different spots downstairs in the dark like he's making his rounds. I think he has decided he's the security, and Nipper sleeps well knowing he's on the job. I have no problem with the advice in the book, even if I find some differences in my dogs' behavior and the expectations engendered by the text. New dog owners are always warned that all dogs are different.

Beware of Dog 

I've heard lots of parents tell me that they want to get a puppy to teach their children responsibility. Inevitably, the parents find out that getting a puppy teaches them just how irresponsible their children are. Just as you can't expect a puppy to be something other than a dog, you can't expect a child to behave like a grown-up. A puppy is a lot of responsibility -- even for an adult. 

I endorse this completely. It was not an issue in our house, but I've known families that got pets for just this reason and then Mom or Dad (usually not both) winds up doing all the work. I tell parents that if the kids are begging for a puppy, unless you are prepared for the puppy to destroy everything, starve, get hurt, get lost, or pee and poop all over the house, assume you're going to be the one responsible. Kids mean well but are not angels, and are useless when novelty is gone.

Come 

The most important command for your puppy to know and obey is the Come command. Your puppy must come when called in different situations and environments. Having this command thoroughly entrenched in your pup's obedience repertoire will not only make your life easier, it will make her life safer.
      The puppy that is always made to come when called and is praised well for his effort will always come. The puppy who is allowed to not come when he is called will consistently not come until he is good and ready.

Boy, I wish I had put this on my bathroom mirror before we got Tralfaz, Both dogs were trained on this command at home and in class, but both have decided I am not serious about it, probably because I let them slip a few times, and that was all it took. And instead we have had to have a tether (until the lawn guy ran it over), an electric invisible fence (still not trained on it due to Tralfaz's hotspot), walking on leash in our own yard, and any number of embarrassing scenes when one or both dogs got a little too friendly with pedestrians.

And this ultimately is the problem with this Complete Idiot's Guide, and perhaps all of them, and the Dummies books as well. The books are always well researched and clearly written. But if I fail to heed the advice inside, I will remain a Complete Idiot.

In practice, though, I did heed a lot of the advice, so perhaps I am an Incomplete Idiot. Which actually sounds even worse.