The Washington Whatevers.

I've been thinking about this business of the Washington Redskins. Nike, a company so well known for its love for humanity and human rights, refuses to stock merchandise with the team logo now because it is... Well, I'm not sure if it's just the name, or if using any kind of Native American imagery without the endorsement of everybody who bears that ethnicity is a bad thing. Whatever it is, it's a bad thing now and must be removed. So many bad things, so little time.

Personally, I leave worrying about the name to others, but the team's imagery is of a fierce warrior, which is the whole point of a football team. They don't play the New York Toddlers or the Minnesota Pacifists. Although as football gets more PC, it gets closer to that reality.

Anyway, I, being the helpful sort, was looking around for some kind of image that might be a compromise, something that would engender respect and recognition. So I asked the boys in Art & Design to come up with a few ideas. Let's see what they got...

Umm, no, that's no good. Now they'll be in twice as much trouble. We need to look beyond the American Indian theme.

No! What are you, nuts? That's a crazy idea!

NOOOOO!!!!! You cut that out right now! 

Look, we don't want to offend any ethnic group! Is there a way to do that with some other kind of mascot? Since Nike is in bed with Communist China, maybe we can find something that might appeal to the Asian markets. 

Okay, that's just hilarious. Newman the Ninja. Great. 

Come on, you guys. Isn't there some symbol that we can use? Something everyone in America respects? Something that has a positive history on human rights? Something that the Chinese will recognize? 

That's it. I quit. Dan Snyder can solve his own problems.